“When you see a new mom come into your playgroup, and she stands away from everyone because she’s new. Talk to her. Talk to her the next three times you see her, because for her, she’s come into a new environment where everyone has their own click, and she’s overwhelmed… but she’s come there to make friends because she wants to connect with other moms. She spent the morning rushing to get there, trying to look like she’s got it together and that she’s not petrified. Talk to her. Sure, she might not live in your area, go to your social events, be the same nationality, whatever, but that’s the beauty of getting to know someone new.
If that mother at mothers group keeps cancelling on you but always reschedules, keep trying. Keep trying at least three more times and tell her it’ll be okay to catch up. She might be riddled with anxiety and not coping. Your persistence could save her sanity and make her feel loved.
If a mom smiles at you at the park, smile back. Talk to her, make a friend, she doesn’t have to baptise your child but now you both have someone to go to the park with. You both don’t have to feel alone on days it’s relentless. You both can help each other watch your kids together and it’ll feel so much easier.
If your mom friend hasn’t been herself lately, and doesn’t want to do anything, go to her house, bring her some coffee and wine and chocolate, Xanax, whatever, and tell her she’s got this, tell her she’s not alone. That no matter what motherhood throws at her, that you’ll do it together. Go do her dishes and insist, INSIST she eats pizza with you while the kids destroy the house and give her a big hug.
All these moms might have woken up today saying ‘I can’t do this, I have no one and I’m a failure,’ they might have been up all night with a restless baby, a teething toddler or whatever. They might think they are the worst mom in the world, but on a day where someone has given them some warmth, someone has given them a little encouragement and a little love, it’ll make them feel like a million bucks.
I’ve been all of these moms in all of these occasions and some days I needed to be rescued, some days I pushed back hard, some days I hated that I felt I was the only one who wasn’t coping and all I needed was someone to reach out, and when they did, I felt like a million bucks.
Motherhood is hard, it’s beautiful and rewarding, it’s many things, but it’s hard and heartbreaking sometimes. It’s not always a network of people helping us out. Some days we are all we have. Sometimes we are all we have, no village, no family, no one. So make a friend, keep that play play date, make those plans and keep them, introduce new moms to your friends too.
We don’t have to compete, we just have to love and tell that mother who deserves to hear it, that she’s not invisible, that’s she’s not alone, and that she is doing a wonderful job and we have her back!”
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