There is so much I didn’t understand back then, but now I do.
I never understood why sometimes you would look at me for the longest time.
Now I know, you were wanting time to stand still.
I never understood why you would say you just wanted 5 minutes of peace and quiet, when being loud and messy was much more fun.
I never understood why you would tell me to ‘always be kind’ when my brother was so annoying!
Now I know, nothing could make a mother more proud.
I never understood why sometimes you would sit with your head in your hands.
Now I understand, you were hiding your tears.
I never understood why I missed you for what felt like days.
Now I understand, you were working around the clock just to keep us afloat.
I never understood why you seemed upset I didn’t like my doll you got me one Christmas. After all, it wasn’t the one I asked for.
Now I understand, it was the next best affordable option.
I never understood why we had a big house then one day it became much smaller.
Now I understand that even as a single mother, you put our needs of school zoning ahead of the comfort of a larger home.
I never understood why when I was hurt I only wanted you.
Now I do, you’re the safest place I’ve ever known.
I never understood why in so many photos your dressy outfit was always the same.
Now I know, because ours were always different.
I never understood why it hurt you so much when I slammed doors or yelled at you growing up.
Now I do, and it hurts me too.
I never understood why you cried on my first overseas trip alone.
Now I know, the worry never stops.
I never understood why sometimes your hugs lasted that little bit longer.
Now I know, you needed one more than me.
I didn’t understand so much back then, but now I do.
You’re my hero, I love you.
I understand everything now.”
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This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Jessica Urlichs. You can follow her journey on Instagram. Submit your own story here, and be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories.
Read more from Jessica:
‘You’re in early labor. You’d be crawling on the ground reaching for drugs otherwise.’: Mom encourages women to ‘find their voice’ during childbirth after ‘begging’ husband not to let hospital send her home
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