‘Listen to me, you precious, fresh faced man-child.’: Mom pens hilarious letter for kids ‘too old to trick-or-treat’

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“To the Kid Who is ‘Too Old to Trick-or-Treat,’

I get it! Things are a-changin’ in your life. You suddenly have a desire to seem cool, but also, you are like, REALLY into the idea of walking around the neighborhood with your friends to collect a huge bag of candy.

You may have heard some people say you are too old to dress up and go trick-or-treating, but hear me–those people are bitter adults who are jealous you are about to live your best life on Halloween night. If I could get out there and go door-to-door with my friends and score chocolate, I sure as heck would!

When I look out my window and see you and your freakishly tall friends (but seriously…do you eat chicken with extra hormones or something?!), I will welcome you to my candy pail without a sarcastic comment or jab. I will also probably remind you to say thank you if you forget, because no matter how tall you are, you still need to remember your manners.

Listen to me, you precious, fresh faced man-child: adulthood is coming soon, and it is going to hit you like a ton of bricks. So get out there are have fun! A candy high is the purest high, so stick with Halloween as long as you can.

Your voice suddenly sounds like Barry Manilow half the time and a baby mouse the other half?
No problem-o!

You love candy and zombies? Cool!

You starting to grow a thin kid mustache? Here’s a Snickers!

See that grown man with a 401K and a minivan toting his own candy bag? He’s pushing it–but hey, it’s Halloween! Grab a few bags of skittles!

Childhood is fleeting, and if you want to spend one night dressing up and being silly – I can promise you I will not stand in your way.

But just remember, if you ever egg my house, I can have you tried as an adult and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.


Your Neighbor”


This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Stephanie Hollifield of Momstrosity. It originally appeared on their Facebook pageDo you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.

Read more stories to get into the Halloween spirit:

‘Please take down your ghoul. It’s scary and inappropriate.’ An anonymous neighbor sent me a letter.’: Mom ‘angry’ after neighbor complains about Halloween decorations, urges ‘let kids be kids’

‘A notification from my husband. How? He’d been dead for 3 years. There’s no way.’: Woman receives spooky signs from late husband letting her know he’s still around, ‘Like a ghost’

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