‘Nobody is having sex with their spouse every night. Except FREAKS. Nobody keeps the house clean all the time. Except FREAKS. It’s ok if you forget to clip your kid’s fingernails.’: Mom urges ‘you will never be able to be everything to everybody’

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“Listen up first time Mamas, I’ve got some wisdom to drop.

This is completely free, but it’s worth a lot.

Stop doing so dang much!

Your life changed in a big way. You were born for this. You are going to do your very best to get every little aspect right, even if it breaks you. (Spoiler Alert: It will.)

You are cleaning the house to perfection, cooking meals, making lunch, fixin’ snacks.

You are crafting things you know good and dang well you can buy for half the price.

You don’t get nearly enough sleep.

You never ask for help.

Every evening, you are asking for details of your husband’s day. You are always worrying about his work, his happiness, but you are never sharing the tough parts of your day or this new racing feeling in your mind. (It’s called anxiety. Welcome to being a mom!) No need to stress him out, surely this is just an adjustment period.

You have a smile on your face most of the time, even when you want to cry.

This is the most important job you have had, and you desperately want to get it right.

You want to be a good wife and a good mom, and that is admirable.

I also still want to be a good wife and mom.

In fact, I still do everything on that list, and more – but the difference is now I know I can’t do it ALL, every day, day-after-day, until FOREVER.

I can do what I can, when I can.

I am certainly not an expert, but I want to share with you what I do know. I want to try and spare you from what I had to learn the hard way.

I need you to know that a breaking point is coming.

What I want you to hear, you precious, unwrinkled woman, is it’s ok to loosen the reigns.

You will not be able to keep up this pace forever.

Start as you intend to go, and please start by intending to make space for yourself.

God gave you this miracle in the form of a family, and it feels like it’s your job to keep everyone happy, healthy, spiritually, and mentally well.

But, that is a lie straight from the pits of HADES.

Here is the truth:

You will never be able to be everything to everybody, and you aren’t meant to be.

I sure wish someone would have told me that when I was hustling every waking hour of the day– feeling guilty because I wasn’t doing enough, and then feeling guilty I was doing so much that I was missing my baby growing up.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Day after day after day.

You cannot be everything, but you are enough.

This parenting gig is a marathon and not a sprint.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.

We are all still working on it, and probably will be until our kids are grown— maybe even after.

It’s ok if you forget to clip your kid’s fingernails.

Nobody keeps the house clean all the time.

(Except FREAKS, and you don’t need that energy in your life.)

Nobody is having sex with their spouse every night.

(Except FREAKS, and you just might need that energy in your life.)

Nobody remembers all the appointments and birthdays and made-up holidays. Your child doesn’t really need a St. Patrick’s Day shirt.

We all still mess up. We still feel guilty.

But, the burden is so much lighter when you know that nobody gets it all right.

Perfection is a total myth.

Love and grace and growth are the goals.

Keep trying, but stop trying to do it all.

You are going to be ok, mama!”

Mother who tells mother's to stop trying to do it all holds baby boy to her chest
Ker-Fox Photography

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Stephanie Hollifield of Momstrosity. It originally appeared on their blogSubmit your own story here, and subscribe to our best stories in our free newsletter here.

Read more from Stephanie:

‘Are they ALL yours?’ My husband loves to whisper, ‘Not all of them are mine. My wife went through a wild phase.’

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