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Happy

Happy

‘The doctor called…the blood screen came back, it’s not good.’ My heavy 22-week pregnant body fell to the floor. It’s normally at this point people want to talk about their options.’

“At worst he’ll never be able to feed himself and at best he’ll mop the floors of a fast-food restaurant one day,’ he said with a wave of his hand, dismissing any room for hope.  Option 1 is you terminate the pregnancy. We don’t do that here, but we have a clinic we can send you to.”

‘He looked me straight in the eye. ‘I’m sure you’re aware this is a FINAL decision. Once I sign off, you cannot change your mind.’ They’re a sibling group of 3, and 2 of them had special needs.’

“‘Morning mama. It’s adoption day.’ Butterflies filled my stomach. The girls and I dolled ourselves up to reflect what was on the inside. Joy and beauty. We went to the courthouse. Then, my lawyer pulled me aside. There had been a miscommunication. My heart dropped.”

‘Holy FREAKING COW,’ I yelled. FOUR babies?! Is that even possible? I wasn’t even doing IVF! There must be a mistake, I can’t be having four babies! But there they were, quadruplets.’

“The doctor gasped, ‘Oh.’ I couldn’t bring myself to look. But when I did, there were 2 babies – twins! ‘Oh my goodness, oh my goodness.’ But wait. Now it’s triplets?! How. Does. This. Happen. We would need a bigger house. Then, she replied, ‘‘No, all FOUR are healthy with heartbeats.’ FOUR?!?!”

‘The phone rang. I thought to myself, ‘That’s her! It has to be her.’ Tears flooded my eyes. Her next words lit up my entire life. ‘I’m so glad you found me,’ she said.’

“I was told, ‘Your parents gave you away because they didn’t want you.’ I was devastated and began a mental game of ‘Who Could Be My Birth Mother?’ Everywhere I went, I looked to see who I might resemble. I analyzed the features of celebrities and passing strangers. Every birthday, I wondered if she was thinking about me, too.”

‘The doctor said, ‘The parents need to understand there is no chance of their daughter having a meaningful life.’ I thought, ‘My daughter has meant more to me in the last 2 days than you will EVER mean to me.’

“What would our daughter have to do to be meaningful? Would she have to talk? Would she have to be able to solve math problems or perform in the school play? Graduating? Getting a job? Getting married? At what point would the doctor say, ‘Ok, you are meaningful now.”

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