Lol

LOL

‘Step right up!’ my teacher said. I half shook my head no, turning pink. I slowly rose, my legs glued together. The floodgates opened. I was 5 feet from the board when someone shouted, ‘OH MY GOD!’

“Queue the tears. Oh, those embarrassing tears. I was mortified. I’d never been given the period talk. My parents were too uncomfortable to explain. And to make matters worse you guessed it. I was wearing white jeans. WHITE. I never expected what would happen next. Not in a million years.”

I turned the key, and he clapped. Yep, CLAPPED, yelling out a yeehaw! I had a hard time focusing over his hootin and hollerin. He also lived in an RV park. Yippee ki yay.’

This guy LOVED his truck. He insisted I drive the dang thing. Now, look, I am 5-feet-tall and the door to this monster was 6 feet in the air. But, Im a sport. I threw my long, blonde hair into a ponytail, tossed my Dolce Gabbana purse onto the seat, steadied my stiletto on the step, and yanked myself in like I was getting on a horse. I prayed we werent about to reenact a scene from Deliverance.

‘Nobody dreams of being a single, middle-aged dad swiping on Tinder. When I entered Single Parent Land, half my brain was sobbing. The other half was thinking, ‘I can run free!’

“As a single parent, every decision takes on a new meaning. If I give my child an applesauce pouch made in China, will my ex bring it up in court? But back to the easy stuff. Remember naps? You know, those times when you could sleep in on a weekend without your ex coming in and yelling at you? There’s a silver lining in all this.”

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