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‘What the heck, I’m not ready. I wasn’t expecting this.’ Everything we knew had taken a sudden shift.’: 20-year-old gets positive pregnancy test same day as husband’s deployment, ‘I couldn’t handle going through it alone’
“The first day he came home, we got pregnant. We’d been apart for 3 months straight – can you really blame us? The sun was just coming up. We were packing our car for the airport to say our goodbyes. I woke up feeling nauseous, so I took a pregnancy test. I immediately felt lightheaded and fell on my cold bathroom floor, bawling. Hayden sat next to me, wrapping his arms around me. ‘What do you want to do? It’s going to be okay.’ Before I knew it, Hayden was gone and I was on my way back home, alone.”
‘I am a C-section-having, formula-feeding, disposable diaper, working kind of mom. I do not regret it.’: Mom explains her parenting choices, but says, ‘Please respect my parenting views as I’ve always tried to respect your parenting views.’
“I discipline my girls. I am pro-vaccine. I typically use a small chair I refurnished titled ‘Thinking Spot.’ I work so that my girls will grow up seeing that I am working in my dream job, literally. I want them to know that it’s possible to have their dream, just as I’m living mine.”
‘I seriously spent 10 minutes scrubbing my dootie hand and crying. My dog has been tormenting me for 7 seven years.’: Mom shares hilarious story of ‘angry pooter’ dog, ‘family is familly, no matter what’
“Frank is an angry pooter. Things he has pooted on when mad at me: my pillow, bed, couch, shoes, literally a pack of crackers, inside my purse, in my suitcase, and on top of a makeup bag. His aim is remarkable for a dog that takes multiple tries to jump on the couch and often falls off while licking his own butthole.”
‘You didn’t pay your bill for 3 months.’ No need to rub it in, electric company lady. ‘I have a baby up in here!’ I lied.’: Widow hilariously recalls why she forgot to pay the electric bill, lies to cover her tracks
“The lights went off. I was sure I’d see the whole neighborhood dark – it couldn’t just be MY house. I had a $1,500 credit on my electric bill after my husband died. I saw my neighbor’s Christmas display up and running, complete with a tiny robotic carolers singing, ‘Joy to the World,’ while my blow-up Santa lay lifeless in the front yard. ‘Can you just send the technician back?’ She was NOT having it.”
‘Please don’t cry,’ I mumbled. ‘It’s a tree. It’s just a tree.’ And then it happened, full blown tears.’: Mom realizes teenage daughter’s meltdown was triggered by loss of father, ‘No matter how many presents I buy, nothing can heal her pain’
“My teenage daughter was standing in the tree lot, her face scrunched up, drawing in a deep breath. Oh for the love of all that’s Holy, she’s going to cry again. ‘It’s a Charlie Brown tree!,’ she shrieked. I rolled my eyes, wishing I’d indulged in a second glass of vino. I thought the worst had passed. Then she blurted out the words I didn’t expect. ‘My dad would’ve NEVER bought this tree!’ There it was. Her dad, who always made everything perfect, died. In front of her. While she held his hand.”
‘That is a mean mug.’ I saw my little girl for the first time. She was NOT impressed.’: Parents surprised by daughter’s hilariously angry face after birth
“The next day, after a well deserved rest, the family appeared to meet our baby girl. With them taking photos and taking turns holding ‘the potato,’ we really starting to notice her face. She was NOT happy with being evicted. I told my husband as he was holding Luna, ‘check out that face.’ She had his stupid mean mug face, but unlike him, she made it look good.”
‘All I heard was ‘buzz.’ I start whispering, ’Oh no, oh no, oh no!’ I was missing HALF my eyebrow.’: Woman hilariously recalls drastic eyebrow trimming fail, ‘It was down to the stubs!’
“Four words for you – ‘As seen on TV.’ I have had this dang brow trimmer boxed in my bathroom cupboard for over 2 years now. I came home the other night and my husband had it all unboxed, using it on his mustache. ‘What the heck?! Why haven’t you ever opened this? It’s awesome!’ I laughed. ‘Well, at least someone is using it.’ The next morning, I see it sitting in the corner and thought, ‘What the heck!’ Oh boy, was I wrong.”
‘My therapist said it might be a good idea to hire a ‘personal assistant.’ I’m a stay-at-home-mom. Am I crazy to consider it?’: Mother recalls how extra help would get her ‘sparkle’ back
“I was at brunch slurping up a delectable chai with a girlfriend when I confessed all my help. ‘So, I have this gal who does our house’s big deep cleans and then another gal who does light tidying and takes care of all the laundry a few times a week and this other gal who babysits one day a week during the afterschool hours to give me a break from, well, the after school hours.’ P.S. I’m a stay-at-home mom.”
‘AND I told them about your beehive!,’ he blurts out. Y’all, like a child caught red handed. He confessed to everything.’: Mom pens hilarious open letter to the nosy neighbor who called 911 on her beehive
“To my surprise, a cop was just pounding on our door. Someone called about our garbage cans being by the garage door. THE AUDACITY!! I said, ‘Oh my God! TOTALLY fine, I’m sorry.’ But then I was also like, ‘Waiiiiit a sec… screw whoever called on us!’ Ok, Petty Boop. Come to my house and knock on the door – we all know each other VERY well. Then out of NO WHERE, the officer says, ‘That’s a big beehive you got there!’ I felt like someone noticed my but looked good. I love that thing so much. ‘OMG ISN’T IT AMAZING?!’ Then it clicked. How DARE you!”
‘You can’t drink that glass of wine while breastfeeding. And please don’t breastfeed without a cover.’: Mom’s hilarious guide to navigating breastfeeding comments during the holiday season
“‘You’re holding your baby too much.’ ‘Isn’t your baby too old to be breastfeeding?’ ‘You’re weaning soon, right?’ ‘Just let the baby cry. It’s good for their lungs.’ ‘You really need to put your baby on a schedule.’ ‘You better not eat the green beans. It will make your baby gassy.’ Here’s how to respond during the holidays.”
