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Ive been the girl who didnt fit in. Im too much for some people and not enough for others. Ive been the girl who wondered if shed make it, and the girl who did.: Mom loves who she is, ‘I won’t change for anyone’

“Im the girl who is on time for this but late for that, and Ill probably stop for an overpriced iced coffee on the way. Im moody in the morning and in my best spirits when I know its Friday. Im too tall for high heels and too short to reach the diapers on the top shelf at Walmart. I’m still not skinny enough to fit inside that crack between the washer and dryer. Im that girl.”

‘I was sleeping 16 hours a day. I felt someone squeezing my lungs every time I took a breath. ‘You’re fine, just go home and rest.’: Woman battling Lupus urges ‘you’re capable of crushing every obstacle in your path’

“A group of doctors huddled at the end of my bed. I overheard them say, ‘Shes so incredibly sick, we just cant figure out whats wrong. She isnt going to make it.’ I spiked a 104 fever. I was writhing in pain, grunting, moaning, begging for it to stop.”

‘Vague bickering. Brace yourself, it starts. ‘I’m telling mommy!’ They stampede like elephants, each screaming over the other.’: Mom talks sibling rivalry, ‘Remember they really do love each other’

“‘Guys, guys, guys…GUYS! Just stop for one moment!!!! Please for the love of all that is holyyyy…’ By this point, my Fight and Flight responses are in overdrive. I’m honestly instinctually ready to flee the home or drop kick one of them (neither of which I can rationally do).”

‘Cookies are not breakfast!’ They’re all crying. One fights me for 10 minutes to allow me the pleasure of wiping poop off his arse.’: Dad hilariously says ‘I’ve had a huge slice of humble pie’ after first ‘paternity leave’

“I hide for a bit. They find me like they’re sniffer dogs and I’m selling pills at a festival. I clear up the crafts, wishing whoever created slime a slow, gruesome death. They’re all crying now. They scream, ‘Daddy we’re bored of this film!’ repeatedly and very loudly.”

‘The same people who were created from sex are the same reason why youll never have it again.’: Mom hilariously points out the ironies of motherhood

“You yell at your children to just ‘listen, for goodness sakes,’ but can tune those monkeys out like its nobodys business. You gain 50 pounds and yet you’ve never sat down to have a proper meal ever! You spend all day waiting for those stinkers to go bed, but when they fall asleep, you stare at their little faces, your heart so full of love.”

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