LOL
🤣
‘Being a single parent is tough. However, I will say being solo with young kids is a pretty significant opposite-sex attention grabber.’
“Daughter #1 – ‘Are you married?’ Daughter #2 – ‘Don’t ask her! You are supposed to look to see if she has a RING on her hand, right dad?!'”
‘WHAT IS THIS?’ My dad got a new credit card, he thought it was gonna be a tiny picture of him like the previous card he had’
“So he sent them a picture of him and then…”
‘We hear a large fart followed by some plops in the toilet. My son’s face starts to light up and his eyes widen. ‘Wow, did you HEAR THAT MOMMY?”
“This person is clearly in there trying to poo in peace, so I keep telling Luca to just do his business so we can get outta here. ‘But what is the man doing Mommy?’ ‘It’s not a man Luca, it’s a woman. We are in the female toilets.'”
‘HOLY SH*T, we finally did it!’ Wife surprises husband with shocking baby announcement after 3 years of infertility
“She explained it would be extremely hard for me to become pregnant. I broke down in that cold exam room. The only thing in my head was, ‘I can’t have kids. I can’t be a woman for this amazing man who is counting on me.’”
‘Are they all yours?’ ‘Better you than me!’ ‘You sure have your hands full!’ Mom’s eye-opening etiquette for approaching mothers with a lot of kids
“I know how crazy my life looks, and when you approach with the sheer goal to reiterate that fact, it not only puts a damper on my day, but it teaches my kids that having a large family is ‘wrong.'”
‘At the performance, my baby boy blew out his diaper. I scooped him up, rushing to the bathroom. This was at our fancy playhouse, which apparently meant no changing table.’
“I set him down as I cleared away the fancy bowl of potpourri that was not helping this situation. I was about 25 wipes into the situation when, to make the mess worse, he starts projectile vomiting while I am changing him.”
‘They said $5 for any dog that’s a foot or longer. I immediately thought of Subway’s $5 foot long! I decided to text my mom to ask for ‘permission.’
“She never specified what kind of foot long…”
‘I’ve birthed an entire child in the time it takes my husband to poop. Actually, I’ve done it faster!’: Wife hilariously calls out husband for his long bathroom trips to ‘avoid hemorrhoids’
“Not only did I accomplish this amazing feat faster than he can, I did it while people WATCHED. This achievement was done with bright lights shining down there to illuminate my lady bits. My husband? He gets to hide in a secluded bathroom. He dies inside when a child even knocks on the door.”
‘Back to School!’ Teacher husband is hilariously unimpressed with wife’s photo of his 1,080th day of school
“My favorite color is Gator Orange”
Your blood pressure is 4,000 over 80 (I’m not a doctor ok, it’s just really HIGH) and someone says, ‘Good job Momma,’ while some other butthead says, ‘Why do we applaud mediocre parenting?’
“Are you FOR REAL?”
