Love is all you need
💕
I was quite surprised by how white she was. ‘Perhaps she’s just very fair in complexion,’ I thought. I envied other black babies and thought, ‘Why me? How did I get black and white twins?’
“The first time I saw her, I wondered if the nurse was handing me my baby, or someone else’s. I waited a few seconds for someone to tell me there was a mix up. ‘She’s so beautiful,’ the nurse said. My husband was also in denial, but reality was staring us in the face.”
‘My career failed. Everyone kept asking, ‘What are you doing these days?’ I’d just want to run away. I didn’t know what to tell them. I had no answers.’
“All my friends who had been doing nothing post-college, partying and vacationing, now all had good positions and were making good money. I thought, ‘Where am I? What am I doing? What am I going to do next?’ Slowly, I just became too comfortable avoiding people and doing absolutely nothing.”
‘Are you sick? Should I get tested?’ My first instinct was denial. ‘I’m not sick. If you want to get tested, do it. You don’t have it!’ I was confused. How could she even say that to me?! I was shocked!’
“My dad proceeded to tell me the illness could be passed down to me as well. I wanted to get tested right away. My dad urged me to take it slow. When I got married the next year and found out we were expecting our first child, I knew in my heart I needed to know. On a crisp spring morning, I took the test. That’s when I realized it.”
‘When we got the news death was coming soon, I was driving us home. I started crying, and couldn’t stop. He held me on the side of the interstate. Then HE took over driving.’
“Every time the hospice people asked if they could do anything for him, he would answer that he was only worried about me, his wife. I tried not to cry, because he wanted his last days to be happy and without tears. Then, I opened his work bag and found it.”
‘I found out I was pregnant one month after I turned 19 years old. ‘The second line is faint. You’re very early in your pregnancy,’ the nurse said. I had not even missed a period yet. Utterly shocked.’
“I tried to go on with life pretending nothing was wrong, while keeping this enormous secret, but ultimately couldn’t think about anything else. His birth was bittersweet. I held him, sobbing, as I signed away my rights as his mother.”
‘I let our friendship go on for far too long. It was toxic. I would hear things she’d say about me that were simply not true. It was hurtful. Once I realized she was a liar, I knew it was time to let go.’
“Life is too short. Do yourself a favor and weed your circle. Eliminating toxic friendships is one of the hardest things about growing up, but let’s face it. Friends can break your heart too. It’s okay to find the strength to let go.”
‘Our life came to a halt. Our son was gravely ill. Looks can be deceiving. I tell him how guilty I am. His eyes become glassy. ‘I’m OK. I have a son,’ he says with a smile. I begin to sob.’
“As we pack up our belongings and head to the car, my husband can tell something is off. The moment we get into the car, I break down. We had been faced with the unimaginable. Two of our children passed away.”
‘My husband tucked her in. She whispered something. I knew what was coming. I wrenched out of bed. I was a sleep-deprived new mom with an overworked husband and no family nearby.’
“I walked into the living room. Her proud, dancing eyes locked onto mine. She always cried. It became my mantra, whispered to myself on the darkest of days when I desperately needed a light at the end of the tunnel.”
‘I was pale as a ghost. I had to wear a mask to see my son. Yet nothing was ‘officially’ wrong with me. ‘I love when you play games with me when you are healthy,’ he said. That crushed me.’
“I was almost positive I was having a stroke. Half my face became numb and I was unable to speak. I couldn’t breathe. I would sadly be forced to observe my son from a distance under my umbrella while he played in the ocean with others. I felt like I was watching his life pass from afar, and I couldn’t join in.”
‘My boyfriend screwed the windows and doors shut while I was sleeping. I made a split-second decision to throw myself backwards out the window to get away.’
“I woke up and realized something was wrong. I went out into the living room and the look on his face was that of a monster. I tried in vain to get away from him until I eventually found myself pinned between the bed and the wall. The police found him hours later with no recollection of what happened.”
