Sad
😪
‘I read his text message for what felt like hours. ‘I want a divorce.’ We were finalizing the adoption of our foster son, and our little family of 4 was supposed to live happily ever after.’
“She looked over at me and said, ‘You haven’t said much, your marriage must be perfect.’ I chuckled and quickly replied, ‘No, far from it.’ We received the call that would forever change our lives. ‘Hi Ashley, we have a woman who birthed a baby girl yesterday. She has chosen you and your husband’s profile.'”
‘I threw my baby in a dumpster. No goodbyes, no tears.’
“My hands shook as I grabbed a Dixie cup and gently scooped this little piece of flesh, my heart, my blood, from its watery grave. A moment later, I left the bathroom. My little burden wrapped in paper towels, and put it in my purse.”
‘Your eyes were swollen to slits. Your lips looked like they had too much Botox. Your hands were squishy from fluid. I was the silent watcher.’
“‘Were you in a car accident?’ Every single day I get asked how I hurt myself. I usually try to laugh it off by saying, ‘Don’t I wish I got hurt playing sports.’ Sometimes people are okay with this answer. What happens though, when people are a bit more interested, and sincerely want to know what happened to you?”
‘I bet all the girls at school have a crush on you,’ he said. He tore a receipt and wrote his phone number down. I walked out of my front door on a school night and hopped in his car.’
“My mom was distracted when he passed the information to me and said, ‘I would love to help you figure out what you want to do when you grow up.’ Then my mom chimed in about how great I was at sales. That was his siren. That was his bridge. That was his free ticket.”
‘After 15 years, the phone rang on a Friday morning. It was the case worker saying she had not one, but TWO babies. 6-week-old twins. ‘Would you take two babies instead of one?’
“An even bigger surprise was in store, a few years after we were put up for adoption, our birth parents, who were not together at the time of our birth, had reunited and later married.”
‘I found out my marriage was a lie. He was unfaithful. I had been lied to for months. I spewed venomous hate towards him. I was numb. Then, I found out I was having a miscarriage.’
“We got married! I was so happy, I truly thought we were going to be okay. I had two amazing daughters, a rocking career, a husband who wasn’t perfect, but he tried. Then my world fell apart.”
‘As soon as she checked with the doppler she knew. And deep down I knew. I just prayed I was wrong. All I could get out is ‘why isn’t it flickering?’ They just said ‘we are trying to figure that out.’
“I screamed, asking if it was her cord that caused it over and over.”
‘David and I have been pregnant 8 times. ‘I just took a pregnancy test. It’s positive.’ I sat on the toilet staring at the positive test until my legs went numb. This was not a part of our plan.’
“Despite the odds, the ‘treatment’ was unsuccessful. Our little fighter continued to grow. Something in my gut didn’t feel right about a second injection, so I refused. I pushed her to keep looking. ‘Wait, what’s that?’ The doctor turned back towards the screen. I saw our little baby for the first time. I instantly wept.”
‘Is it normal to hate your baby?’ I was desperately begging for God to kill her. What’s wrong with me? I was terrified of what I would do to her.’
“I decided I would talk to my OBGYN when I went for my next check up. Little did I know, I wouldn’t be able to make it until then.”
‘I had a vivid dream someone broke into my house. At 5 a.m. the next morning, I awoke to a man crouched on the side of my bed with a knife in hand. My gift began at an early age.’
“I warned him, ‘Something horrible is going to happen.’ He wrote down my dream in his journal and carried it in his backpack. I received his call later. ‘Everything you said was true!'”
