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Sad

Sad

‘Garry!’ I yelled, grabbing his face. ‘Garry, wake up!’ I screamed at him. There was no response other than the awful snoring and shaking. I bolted across my yard to pound on my neighbor’s door.’

“I awoke with a startle. I’d only been asleep for an hour when a strange sound roused me. There it was again, coming from my husband’s side of the bed; a strange snoring sound, except it wasn’t snoring. Something wasn’t right. He was shaking. My babies were sleeping soundly in their beds.”

‘You’d be SO MUCH prettier if you lost weight.’ I was 10. My siblings got juice, while I was only offered water. When we got into fights, ‘fatty’ was their low blow.’

“With a disgusted look, my own trainer asked, ‘Why are you SO overweight?’ I felt like I was just punched in my (fat) gut. I cancelled my gym membership and dropped out of high school. Ashamed and embarrassed, I just wanted to crawl in a hole and cry. I always felt in competition with my siblings.”

‘He didn’t show up to work.’ My stomach dropped. I hadn’t spoken to my husband in 48 hours.’: Marine spouse’s husband dies ‘in his sleep,’ urges us to ‘never take a second for granted’

“As my teaching day ended, I heard my phone ding. I looked down to read a message offering condolences to my family, referring to my husband in past tense. I burst into tears. I remember saying over and over, ‘What does this mean? He is just missing. He isn’t gone.’ I realized I needed to get home. I needed to be with my daughter.”

‘He proposed in a big, elaborate way in front of my family. I was terrified. I didn’t know how or when, but I knew my life was over. I had to make my move.’: Woman escapes after decade-long abuse

“From the outside, our relationship looked perfect. We were a good-looking couple, young and vibrant. We had a wonderful social circle, luxurious vacations. No one knew I was being trained to accept abuse so horrible my hair would fall out – literally. I didn’t recognize the red flags waving right in front of my face.”

‘So, do you think you’re depressed?’ one doctor awkwardly asked me. I replied quietly, ‘I don’t think so?’ all while screaming, ‘I just wanted to be saved.’ This was the biggest mistake of my life.’

“If I dared to mark the box that said I had suicidal thoughts daily, I would be hospitalized. If I marked those terrifying boxes that my life was just too much for me to handle, I was admitting to the world I was ‘crazy’. I would lose everything I held dear.”

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