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Surprise

Surprise!

‘Last night, my soul left my body. Yes, I pooped out my soul and went to heaven. And now I’m a brand new man.’: Man hilariously shares Magnesium Citrate ‘near-death experience’ after eating 20 ‘nuclear wings’

“Until last night, I didn’t understand the term ‘shiz storm.’ I was looking down on myself from the sky, watching all of my internal organs liquefy and spray out like someone jumped on a balloon full of Nutella. After 4 straight hours of pooping, I passed out on the bathroom floor for 2 hours only to be awoken by my dog licking me to see if I was dead.”

‘Holy crap! Babe! They want us to adopt the baby! They want us to be parents!,’ I screamed. ‘Wait! REALLY?!’: Couple adopts child unexpectedly, says ‘families DON’T have to match! They are built on LOVE!’

“I raced to my mom’s house. They’d just gotten back from the cruise so I could finally share the good news. ‘YOU’RE GOING TO BE A GRANDMA! My husband and I went to the hospital to meet our son for the very first time. We were greeted by security. ‘I need your ID’s. Where are you folks headed?,’ he asked. ‘We’re going to the NICU to see our son!,’ Jarvis said proudly. We literally became parents overnight. Families DON’T have to match! They are built on LOVE!”

‘Never in a million years did I think I’d get cancer, much less BREAST cancer.’: Male breast cancer survivor urges men to ‘get checked out’ if they notice ‘something out of the ordinary’

“One night after I got home from the gym, I felt a tiny lump the size of a dime on my right nipple. Like most men, I assumed it was a cyst or ingrown hair. My wife pushed to get it checked out. Lo and behold, I was drinking my morning cup of coffee, still in my PJs and trying to wake up, when I got a call. ‘Michael, our biopsy results came back and you have cancer.’ I went to work that day looking like someone walked over my grave.”

‘You know this isn’t a bad boob job, right?’ In my bikini top, women erupted in laughter at my cancer scars.’: Woman beats breast cancer, new symptoms dismissed as ‘overreacting’ turn out to be colon cancer

“I felt so embarrassed. I wanted to tell them how torn I was making the decision to remove my breasts in my 20s. How I couldn’t stand sitting in the waiting room with crying women in gowns. How I couldn’t even had sex with my husband because I was so afraid he’d think I was disgusting. As we were leaving, my father-in-law told them they should mind their own business. Not one of them said anything.”

‘Are you kidding me, mom?! Help me!’ It’s an explosion of epic proportions. Do we salvage this outfit? Heck. NO!’: Mom hilariously recounts every mother’s worst nightmare, the diaper blowout

“It’s so goopy. It’s E V E R Y W H E R E! In crevasses you didn’t know existed. It’s up the back, and down the legs. More creeps onto your hand with every wipe. You’re gagging. You pick baby up and hold him Lion King style, praying that none splatters onto the floor as you shuffle towards the sink. ‘This isn’t that bad… this isn’t… that… bad…’ You’re trying not to be dramatic. But you’re totally being dramatic.”

‘I used to be a bully. I was awful, and I wanted so badly to be liked.’: Woman admits to feeling ‘pang of guilt, shame’ at being childhood bully, proud of her ‘efforts to better herself’

“I was terrified my classmates wouldn’t see my worth. So, I threw rocks, said ‘bad words,’ and acted tough. The worst, though, is that I befriended kids I knew would let me get away with treating them terribly. I took advantage of them and their effortless kindness. I never want to be the cause of pain for anyone. It’s one of the worst things in the world to feel worthless. I know because I’ve been a bully to myself as well.”

‘My brother started the ‘naked man’ game when I was 6. I felt so empty I thought I might just float away.’: Woman overcomes sexual trauma, now uses kindness as an ‘act of rebellion’

“I walked home in a dress, but no underwear. I told my mom and dad I was staying with a friend, and then went into the operating room to have my right fallopian tube removed along with the baby that would never be. I went home the next day and said, ‘I feel like I have the flu’ and went straight to bed. My cry for help didn’t work. Nobody noticed. Nobody asked if I was okay. I knew if I didn’t start fighting for myself, I’d end up dead.”

‘My arms are tingling!’ The wind knocked out of me. ‘Um, are you having a heart attack?’ My anxiety went from zero to a million.’: Woman with Generalized Anxiety, Panic Disorder declares anxiety ‘can’t take away my strength’

“I was at lunch with friends, light on sleep, and full on caffeine. I was already wildly anxious after having a bad breakup, an unexpected job change, and being hit by a car (I mean, seriously?), and then, out of nowhere, I couldn’t breathe. I was so nauseous I was profusely sweating. ‘There’s nothing wrong with you,’ I was told. I was damn close to calling myself a nice little ambulance. I didn’t leave my house for 2 months.”

‘I never thought I’d be one of ‘those’ people. You know, the ones who lose control of their lives and spiral. Turns out, I’m wrong.’: Woman learns to ‘celebrate imperfections’ after trip to psych ward, reminds us failing is only ‘human’

“My partner and I kept arguing. Stress mounted. Next thing you know, I was dry heaving, teeth chattering. I just lost it. All of it. For the next 24 hours, I couldn’t speak to anyone from the outside, not even my husband. The paper scrubs the emergency room had given me had to come off, leaving me naked, shaking, and disoriented. How was this even real? I felt like I was watching a scene from a movie, rather than participating in my own life. But it was happening, and it was REAL.”

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