Touching
🤧
‘Oh my gosh, there’s a HEARTBEAT! A baby! I knew they were wrong! I’m a MOM! After I caught my breath, I asked the doctor, ‘Is that a heartbeat?’ He was puzzled, but didn’t look happy.’
“I couldn’t even take a breath. The embryologist said, ‘I can’t believe I’m saying this, because I have never seen this happen!’ I still couldn’t breathe. What was he about to say? At this point I’m jumping up and down screaming. I had to ask.”
‘Behind closed doors, I was called ‘crazy’ and ‘too sensitive.’ We lived like roommates that slept together. I tried leaving. He promised to change, and he did, until I got pregnant again.’
“Into my life walks a man I knew since he got sober 4 years earlier. He and his girlfriend had recently broken up. I know my kids are watching us. Our children are always watching.”
‘He did not cheat on you without a reason. You must be boring.’ My mind went into overdrive. My whole world was a lie. How could he do this to us, his beautiful family?’
“After 12 years, my husband told me it is ‘no longer working’ between us. I found out he had an affair, with a girl he met on online. Together, they wrecked my family.”
‘Oh stop! She’s scared, leave her be.’ She knew I was not ready for this. I got in my car and had many missed calls from my dad. I called him back immediately, and heard the words that would change my life.’
“As soon as I hung up the phone, I knew. I sat in my car and cried. I cried tears I didn’t know I had. I couldn’t breathe. I had to call my husband to tell him I wasn’t sure I could drive home.”
‘Just lay there, be still, your Daddy’s good little girl.’ I stared at the ceiling, remembering his breath on me. Finally, he left the room to start my bath. ‘You wouldn’t want us to go away, would you?’
“There was a window behind the bed. A woman came out of the building. I waved violently. ‘HELP!’ The woman stood there, looked at me, and walked away, going to her car to leave. My safety, my possibility of help, was gone.”
‘He is a good son. We love you Jeff.’ I couldn’t stop sobbing. He went on, as if they both were standing next to his bed. His eyes were closed, but he had the most peaceful smile.’
“He was sleeping, when I heard him say something. I leaned in. As clear as can be, he started having a conversation with Mom and Jeff. Jeff is his son, who died 2 years ago. They were whole, healthy, and together once again. I was overwhelmed by what had just taken place.”
‘Before he died, he requested to be cremated. It seemed like a no brainer. You know, ‘Easy peasy, I’ll get to keep a part of him forever and I’ll be thankful for that.’
“Except that’s not how it happened. I didn’t know how badly it would haunt me. Even talking about this is so shameful.”
‘I took a call of a baby not breathing. It’s the dreaded call. I heard the baby crying. It was short lived. I hung my head and tried to clear the lump from my throat.’
“What I didn’t expect was a visit from the fire crew that was on scene and who, like true heroes, tried to save that baby’s life. They came in together, stood before me and asked if we could all share a hug.”
‘A push in the hall, being thrown in the trash. I dreaded school. I would end the day in tears. It wasn’t going to change. Why? I was an easy target.’
“They would take my glasses off my face and see me wander around blindly trying to get them back. Then they would settle for throwing me in the trashcan. All I wanted was to go about my day in peace, but things only got worse.”
‘When I was 18 years old I felt a lump in my breast. I immediately made an appointment and was quickly dismissed, young women my age didn’t get breast cancer.’
“Everyone stops you and says hello and asks how you are doing. All I could think, all I wanted to yell is, ‘Not great, today I have cancer!’”
