Touching

Touching

‘I was out at a restaurant. ‘I’m not feeling well,’ I said. I knew something was wrong. Shaking, I excused myself and drove straight home. When I got back, my world crumbled around me.’

“I crawled to the bathroom. I couldn’t stand up without blacking out. I was paralyzed. I was supposed to be getting ready to go off to college with friends and I suddenly found myself unable to get out of bed. The wheelchair made others roll their eyes. ‘You don’t need that,’ they said. ‘Faker.’

‘We connected on a dating app. I swiped right. The man was gorgeous, but 20 years younger. I tried to weasel out of it. He was persistent. I agreed to meet him for a drink, but grew suspicious.’: Woman recalls losing the younger man she loved

“This all seemed too good to be true. I kept my guard up. When I went to his Facebook page to check his relationship status, I found something else. I sat up in bed and stopped breathing. I stared at my phone. ‘No,’ I cried. The words came out of my mouth as though someone else was saying them.”

‘I got the test results. I felt I let my husband down. Like I somehow failed to give him the ‘perfect’ baby. The silence was deafening. I kept thinking, ‘Why me?’ Then I thought, ‘Wait, why NOT me?’

I had a woman sob in my arms out of sympathy. I remember telling my husband, Do you think well ever laugh or be happy again? I figured I had 3 choices. Give up, give in, or give it everything I’ve got. I had a little boy growing inside me who I needed be strong for. I went with option 3.”

‘She’s fat. It’s a good thing she’s nice. Otherwise, no one would pay attention to her.’ They both giggled and left the restroom. I stayed in the stall, frozen. I knew I needed to blend in.’

“I became aware that I was different from the other perfect, small, blonde girls. So, Ihid my glasses, grew my hair out, and started dressing better. I realized I needed to walk tall, shift my shoulders back, and smile to draw any and all attention away from the rest of my body.

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