Touching
🤧
‘I love you,’ I whispered. I checked his arm, and noticed there was a needle mark. I don’t know how I held myself together from SCREAMING his name, praying he’d snap out of it.’
“He tried to call me, but I was asleep and missed his call. Then my mom called. ‘Get to the hospital immediately,’ she said. I knew it was about him. I didn’t know the situation, so I got there in 4 minutes. My mind was racing.”
‘I peeked in her bedroom, I couldn’t tell if she was breathing. As I walked closer, I looked at her white feet and knew something was wrong. I went crazy. My brain snapped.’
“‘I’m sorry, we have to do this when a child dies in the home. It’s so hard for you,’ the investigator said. They found no cause of death. It is so rare, and the last thing I want to do is cause fear in someone else, but it’s a very real and possible thing that can happen.”
‘What did you do to my child?! She’s telling me she’s our SON.’ That was the angry text I got from my ex-wife.’
“‘Do I need to start calling my beautiful little girl my son?’ First, while crying, I sent an admittedly angry reply back. Then I went back inside, dried my eyes, and woke her up. I knew my daughter was ‘different’ for a long time.”
‘Are you going to lose weight for the wedding?’ I felt judged for my shape, ashamed and humiliated. ‘Yes, I will be losing weight.’ Then came the moment where I found the dress.’
“I stood there semi naked, holding my breath. I stepped into the wedding dress. My consultant whipped the curtain open and my mom gasped. All I could think was, ‘Here comes my further humiliation.'”
‘I was fat shamed at my husband’s funeral. Just when they were about to put him in the ground, I heard it. It came from across the other side of the casket.’
“I thought I was the only one who heard. Seconds later, my sister turned to me.”
‘I want to go see her.’ He said through his tears. ‘I’m so blessed to have found her. I wouldn’t trade one moment I had with her.’ We all needed tissues. He misses her so much it hurts.’
“We asked him if he knew what today was. ‘Is it someone’s birthday?,’ he asked. We told him it was his anniversary – what would have been his and mom’s 69th. He started crying. ‘Would you like to go to the cemetery to take her some flowers?’ He sat, in silence.”
‘I didn’t feel safe in my own home. It took 3 years for me to find the courage to ask for a divorce. I developed stomach ulcers from all the stress. The end was inevitable.’
“I had experienced years of him ‘bending’ the truth, of him telling me I was ‘too much,’ trying to diagnose me with different types of mental illness. Little did I know, there was more to come. I found reserves I never knew I had, but that’s what moms do. We do everything possible to make sure our children don’t get hurt.”
‘I don’t think mom is breathing, I fell asleep and I don’t think she’s breathing.’ I called 911. My dad and rushed to my childhood home. But I knew. Then I heard the medics say, ‘That’s it, call it.’
“I made her coffee and we sat together like we always did in the morning and chatted. Later I took her home, gave her medicine, and kissed her goodbye. I tried calling the next day, but was told she was ‘resting.’ My heart had already broken.”
‘You need to decide to pull the plug or not.’ My mom gave me a faint smile. She had tears in her eyes. She tried to say something, but I stopped her. I already knew.’
“I didn’t cry. I actually laughed. There was no possible way my dad could die. When we got to the hospital, he realized I was in the room with him. Just then, he got a surge of energy. ‘You are my sunshine,’ he told me. Seconds later, I walked in and made the decision.”
‘John has hit his head. We’re on the way to pick you up,’ he said. ‘HIS HEAD?’ The room suddenly felt different, as if the air was being sucked out. Oh God no. ‘Maryanne, are you there?’
“My husband had responded to a break and enter complaint and was searching for an intruder. I raced to his side and grabbed his hand. ‘I love you,’ I whispered in his ear. No response. ‘I love you, John.’ And then, it happened again.”
