Touching
🤧
‘I mumbled, ‘You just drove past my apartment.’ He stared at me. ‘Do you think I’m not going to take you home?’ That’s when he found the entrance into the woods.’
“It was very late and getting colder by the minute, so I started to walk home. I was passed by an SUV. The man inside asked if I needed a ride. I felt put off by him, but I ignored my gut feeling and got in.”
‘You need to get to the hospital as soon as you can.’ I didn’t even have time to ask what was wrong. ‘Is my daughter going to live?’ The nurse on the other end of the line paused. ‘We don’t know.’
“The technician asked me, ‘Do you feel that?’ I asked, ‘feel what?’ She said, ‘You’re having a contraction!’ I asked if I could see her face on the monitor. ‘I can’t show you because she’s in the birth canal!'”
‘My husband waited up for me. Surprised, I sat down and asked about his day. I didn’t get very far into my question. He somberly turned off the TV and leaned forward in his seat.’
“Hands folded and eyes down, he told me he had something he needed to tell me. I had never seen him so serious. I was stunned. I didn’t understand. We were cruising right along in life. We were house shopping. We were planning family vacations. I thought I was going to become a mom soon.”
‘I love you, I’ve been shot at work.’ It took several times reading it for it to hit me it was real. I called his phone, texted, nothing. My heart dropped.’
“A lady answered and said she was barricaded in her room and police were everywhere. I grabbed my children and drove where I met a cop blocking off the roads. She couldn’t tell me anything. I drove to the nearest hospital. He wasn’t there.”
‘Mom kept saying, ‘He’s gone. We lost him.’ When I lost my two babies, I could see my children sitting on my dad’s lap, tears of joy streaming down his face. I closed my eyes. My dad was a grandpa.’
“I remember seeing my dad sitting on the couch. I could tell he didn’t feel great. Later that afternoon I was with my mom and sister when we got a call from the local hospital. My dad had collapsed at work.”
‘My friend was sure I was dead. I was pronounced dead on arrival. The first call was to the hospital to get the body bag ready, then my aunt to tell her I was clinically dead for 6 minutes.’
“We stopped in the middle of our street after a car drove up next to us. My mother asked for my clothes and shoes, but my aunt told her they were too drenched with blood to save. Blood was pouring out of my shoes.”
‘I pick up a pink sock from under the couch. Suddenly I sink to my knees. I try to smell her on the sock, hold it to my heart and scream, ‘COME BACK TO ME! I LOVE YOU! PLEASE!’
“I find myself softly chanting ‘daughter, daughter, daughter.’ I lose count as I hold that sock and rock it. Minutes pass, I don’t know how many. I finally pick myself up off the floor and I put her sock in her bedroom. I shut the door, stand there for a moment, my hand still clutching the doorknob as tears stream down my face.”
‘Ewww put that away. I’ll never get stretchmarks like that when I’m pregnant.’ It was such a personal attack – feelings of shame and disgust had me cringing at my husband’s touch.’
“I was left curled up on the couch in the fetal position. I remember grabbing my thighs and crying to my husband, ‘How am I so big already? How could I possibly get any bigger?’ My 3-year-old son asked, ‘Mama, what’s wrong with your belly?’”
‘She came running into the house screaming. ‘What? What is it?’ ‘Outside.’ She pointed to the open front door. ‘Daddy. The bird.’ I picked her up, and she buried her head into me sobbing.’
“‘Okay, let’s go look.’ She was hesitant, but tiptoed out to the porch. ‘What’s going on out here?,’ I asked, still confused. ‘There are babies! He killed the babies!’ The look on my face turned from confusion to horror. ‘What?’ I snapped my head towards my husband.”
‘Don’t tell nobody. I’ll give you some money when I get paid,’ he said as he was getting off me. I was scared out of my mind. My uncle, my favorite uncle, had hurt me.’
“I can remember looking over at my brother who was still asleep. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I was too scared so I laid there, not speaking, thinking about the innocence I would never get back. He hurt me in the worst way that night.”
