“When my dear friend and photographer Rachel Henderson sent me this photo, I had two immediate thoughts: one- this photo is so beautiful and two- OMG- my boobs are so saggy and look at my rolls! Those were quickly followed by the question ‘Should I ask her to photoshop this?’
I know I’m not alone often listening to that critical voice ready to shout out any imperfection or flaw, anything apparent through the lens of I’m not good enough or I’m not enough. I have learned though to identify that voice and talk right back to her, because she never says anything worth listening to.
2020 is the year of vision, a year of dreaming new dreams and bringing back old dreams that maybe we have forgotten. It’s the year of stepping out into our purpose and trying that new thing that’s yes, both scary and exciting. And who else thinks that as we get older the years go faster? If that’s the case, we have no time to waste.
I don’t want to waste my time obsessing about the details, about the things that at the end of my life no one is going to notice or more importantly I don’t really want to be remembered for. Do I want to be known as that woman who diligently went to the gym 6 days a week or that woman who had the most organized well decorated house? Do I want to be known as the woman whose kids ate the most kale? No, I choose ‘the woman who passionately loved with all her heart her life and everything in it.’
So, no I’m not going to photoshop this picture because this is life, and this is real- and photoshop and filters are often what I hate most about social media. This is me. The woman who had the privilege of nursing 4 healthy babies for over 4 years, which is hard and certainly not for everyone, but I did it. The woman who likes to cook lamb curry and bake Christmas cookies for her family. The woman who enjoys eating real food with her best girlfriends who will still order pizza at 1 am, even though we are 43, if one of us wants it. (BTW real friends don’t let girlfriends’ binge alone.) And my body is the result of this fullness, this joy, this real life.
For once in my ENTIRE life, this year I decided I’m only doing one resolution. No weight loss, no do better at organizing my house, no make my kids eat more vegetables. Only one resolution- accept that I am who I am and that is enough. I am going to love the heck out of this woman and everyone else, while trying each day to live a healthy, beautiful life in the way that I am called to- one step at a time and one day at a time led by a still, small, kind voice.
So, 2020 bring it. I’m finally ready for you.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Niro Feliciano, 43, of Wilton, Connecticut. She is a wife, mom of 4, and psychotherapist. Follow her journey on Facebook here, Instagram here, and her website here. Do you have a similar experience? We’d like to hear your important journey. Submit your own story here. Be sure to subscribe to our free email newsletter for our best stories, and YouTube for our best videos.
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