“I suddenly felt nauseous. I was standing at the kitchen counter – and my next memory is opening my eyes, and I’m lying on something red. I felt shattered glass falling from my face. I ran my hand down my chin, where I felt something snag my finger.”
‘It stopped my heart. I landed on a glass I was carrying, and a chunk of it punctured my jugular. A voice came to me and told me I was dying. Oh God no! I didn’t want to die.’
‘I woke up handcuffed to a hospital bed covered in my own vomit, dirt and mud caked in my ears and under my perfectly manicured acrylic nails.’
“I made a phone call that no mom ever wants to get. Within an hour, my mom was at my apartment and I will never forget the look of absolute terror on her face.”
‘We heard this loud, echoing bang above us in the bathroom. Thirty seconds later, this scream came from upstairs. I can still hear it to this day. There she was, on the bathroom floor.’
“My best friend entered before me. She begged me not to come in. I did anyways – I had to see for myself. All of her shoes were neatly lined up next to the foot of the bed. Her clothes were hung up, and her beauty products were organized.”
‘He was my best friend. The last thing he said to me was: ‘I’m ok mom, I love you too.’ That was at 10:20 on Saturday night.’
“He always answered my calls. But on Sunday morning, he didn’t. And I just knew. My son gave a gut wrenching scream that didn’t sound like it could come from a 6-year-old.”
‘I found out I was pregnant. My ex-boyfriend refused to believe the baby was his. We tried to come to a resolution, but within a month, he was found dead in his bed.’
“I had my first serious boyfriend. He was older. That is the night my destiny changed. I became very ill the next week. I had a severe fever, so physically exhausted I couldn’t even get out of bed.”
‘I will never have a baby because I can’t stay sober. I revealed my addiction to her. Her face lit up. Why did she want to pray for me when she was the one dying?’
“I got married in the hospital chapel with our closest friends and family. Little CJ got to come out of the NICU to be the tiniest ring bearer in history. His nurses brought him in a little wagon with all his tubes and machines in his preemie tux.”
‘Molly, I am sick again. I promise I’m going to get better this time.’ I hang up, but she is all I can think about. How can I love her so much, and be such a constant source of disappointment?’
“I don’t want to catch a glimpse of her beautiful face in my mind. It hurts too much. She is so perfect. How can she still utter the words, ‘It’s okay mom, I love you’? I don’t deserve her love or her forgiveness.”
‘Mom, we have to take them home.’ It was so hard to look at these girls and not cry. It was like looking into the eyes of my sister, eyes I had not seen in 8 years, eyes I would never see again.’
“The woman who had the girls was not at all family, but a friend from church. They had been removed from her care and were in a foster home. After we got off the phone, I panicked – what was I going to do?”
‘It was a busy day for me in the ER. I had 5 very sick patients. When I checked my phone, I had 10 missed calls. I called my dad back and he told me to sit down. My heart instantly sank.’
“I scanned the monitors and medications as any good nurse would do. I then saw my sister. And I knew.”
‘I found out months before meeting Jorgie we were unable to have biological children. We were devastated. We just couldn’t understand at the time. Until we met him.’
“Taylor was 10 months old when she was shaken and abused. They called again, but this time it was for a 2-month-old baby girl born addicted. Everyone thought we were crazy for considering another child with so many needs, but if not us, then who?”
