addict

‘Nathan, everyone hates me’ and ‘I feel so worthless’ were things he’d frequently tell me. Being so young and naïve, I didn’t know how to help him.’ Brother loses ‘selfless’ twin to heroin overdose, looks to him for ‘inspiration’ on how to become a better person

“When we were young, Sean was always so joyful and alive. As we reached adolescence, bullies picked on him relentlessly, girls cheated on him, and his own friends would take advantage of his kindness. I could see that light slowly start to fade. He always told me how depressed he was, but I was too clueless to know I could do anything at all.”

‘My dad was married and had an affair with my mom. I became the product of their affair. On the outside, we looked normal. But behind closed doors, dark secrets hid. My life quickly took a turn.’

“My younger sister woke up while it was happening. She said, ‘Daddy can you do that to me like you do to Shannon?’ He told her, ‘No it’s only for her.’ The hardest words to swallow came from my own mother. I was only in 4th grade and it tore me apart. I still hear and feel him breathing down my neck.”

‘I was lying on a ‘friend’s’ kitchen floor. Standing over me were paramedics and a police officer. ‘You’re lucky we’re not busy today,’ the cop looked at me and said. I lied to everyone.’

“I met someone. The wrong someone. A friend. Or so I thought. I was catapulted into a world no one should experience. It was raining. The sky was black and the storm wasn’t letting up. I felt this strong feeling of evil hanging around me that day. My ‘friend’ was with me. I looked in the mirror and at that point, I knew.”

‘Hun, whatcha doing? You ok in there?’ Silence. ‘Hun…?’ I tried turning the knob. Locked. My heartbeat grew faster. My voice got louder. I banged my fists on the door. I couldn’t save him.’

“We went to bed, said our ‘I love you’s.’ He rubbed my back as I drifted off to sleep. At 5:00 a.m., I awoke to use the bathroom. I guess he couldn’t sleep? He wasn’t in bed. He must be downstairs. The TV wasn’t on. No living room lights. Just a faint glow from the bottom of the bathroom door.”

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