addiction disease

‘I could’ve killed myself, or my precious son. I’m riddled with guilt. I’m so ashamed of things I’ve done in front of my child.’: Mother in the throes of addiction, ‘I don’t want to do it anymore. I want my son to have a sober mom’

“I have a toddler at home who I will not be able to take to get his picture with Santa. I will not be able to take him to see all the pretty Christmas lights. I sat in the shower and let the water run down my body as I cried. Then demons creep in. ‘It was boring getting high at home, taking care of a toddler all day. It would be fun to stay at a motel and just get high. I just want to do it ONE MORE TIME.’ I’m riddled with guilt. I’m so ashamed.”

‘I’m not an addict, but I was addicted to trying to fix one. If you’re lucky, they recover. If you’re really lucky, you recover, too.’: Woman learns firsthand that loving one with addiction will ‘consume you’

“You will stand in their bedroom and plead that you ‘just want them back’. If you watch the person you love disappear right in front of your eyes, you will start to dissolve too. Those not directly affected won’t understand. It is not the person who uses, but the addiction. And yet, sadly… it is not the addiction that dies, but the person.”

‘I love you, sweetie. I’ll call you Friday.’ Those words will forever haunt me. I received a call from my mom when school ended. ‘This is the hardest thing I’ll ever tell you.’ I fell to the floor.’

“My heart sank. I could tell by her voice I had to get home. I still hear the words as she fought back breaking down. ‘We have to go. We have to get there!’ I remember having thought, ‘He seems better. He seems more like himself.’ My dad was back. Boy, was I wrong.”

‘When I was 15, I was sent to a private boarding facility in the backwoods. I snuck out was roaming during the night. I was suddenly taken into a building far in the woods, the doors locking behind me.’

“For the next 2 years, I was ‘locked up’ with wire fences, an open bay dorm of girls in dresses. I was to say yes ma’am and no sir. Everything was taken from me. Our letters were censored. Girls who would cry would be forced to sit in a baby stool with a pacifier.”

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