“I was about to get in the shower when the phone rang. Surprised, as it was around 7:45 a.m., I stared at my mother-in-law’s name on the screen. My heart sank. He had left me a few voicemails a few days prior.”
‘It was only weeks since we’d said ‘I do.’ I don’t remember what the fight was about. His hand was wrapped in my hair, close to my scalp. Then he yanked. There I was, a pastor’s wife.’
‘It stopped my heart. I landed on a glass I was carrying, and a chunk of it punctured my jugular. A voice came to me and told me I was dying. Oh God no! I didn’t want to die.’
“I suddenly felt nauseous. I was standing at the kitchen counter – and my next memory is opening my eyes, and I’m lying on something red. I felt shattered glass falling from my face. I ran my hand down my chin, where I felt something snag my finger.”
‘I woke up handcuffed to a hospital bed covered in my own vomit, dirt and mud caked in my ears and under my perfectly manicured acrylic nails.’
“I made a phone call that no mom ever wants to get. Within an hour, my mom was at my apartment and I will never forget the look of absolute terror on her face.”
‘He was my best friend. The last thing he said to me was: ‘I’m ok mom, I love you too.’ That was at 10:20 on Saturday night.’
“He always answered my calls. But on Sunday morning, he didn’t. And I just knew. My son gave a gut wrenching scream that didn’t sound like it could come from a 6-year-old.”
‘I found out I was pregnant. My ex-boyfriend refused to believe the baby was his. We tried to come to a resolution, but within a month, he was found dead in his bed.’
“I had my first serious boyfriend. He was older. That is the night my destiny changed. I became very ill the next week. I had a severe fever, so physically exhausted I couldn’t even get out of bed.”
‘I was 17-years-old when I had my first daughter. 20-years-old when I had my second. Everyone tried to get me to leave him. I was ‘in hiding’ at my parent’s house, living in constant fear.’
“When she was a week old, he showed up on my doorstep and never left. Todd and I were married just 11 months later. It was the hardest thing to comprehend. There were so many changes.”
‘I will never have a baby because I can’t stay sober. I revealed my addiction to her. Her face lit up. Why did she want to pray for me when she was the one dying?’
“I got married in the hospital chapel with our closest friends and family. Little CJ got to come out of the NICU to be the tiniest ring bearer in history. His nurses brought him in a little wagon with all his tubes and machines in his preemie tux.”
‘Molly, I am sick again. I promise I’m going to get better this time.’ I hang up, but she is all I can think about. How can I love her so much, and be such a constant source of disappointment?’
“I don’t want to catch a glimpse of her beautiful face in my mind. It hurts too much. She is so perfect. How can she still utter the words, ‘It’s okay mom, I love you’? I don’t deserve her love or her forgiveness.”
‘Mom, we have to take them home.’ It was so hard to look at these girls and not cry. It was like looking into the eyes of my sister, eyes I had not seen in 8 years, eyes I would never see again.’
“The woman who had the girls was not at all family, but a friend from church. They had been removed from her care and were in a foster home. After we got off the phone, I panicked – what was I going to do?”
‘It was a busy day for me in the ER. I had 5 very sick patients. When I checked my phone, I had 10 missed calls. I called my dad back and he told me to sit down. My heart instantly sank.’
“I scanned the monitors and medications as any good nurse would do. I then saw my sister. And I knew.”
