“We sat in the courtroom and listened to the story of lives that had been destroyed. We watched as the judge decided our son could no longer live with his biological parents. I’d be lying if I said a part of me wasn’t relieved. I struggled with feeling I wasn’t enough for these two babies 15 months apart. I believed the lie.”
‘I vividly remember. My right arm held the new baby I birthed less than 24-hours ago. My left held my foster son, patting his new sister on the foot. I felt so much joy and so much pain.’
‘I still remember the text I sent my husband. ‘Do you want TWO babies?’ Boy, girl, black, biracial, a year apart, biologically shared one parent. My voice trailed off.’
“When I saw my son-to-be’s date of birth, I choked back tears. To understand why, I need to rewind. My husband was feeling run down. It was sudden and pronounced fatigue, odd for an avid cyclist. At 32 years old, he was fit. We both shrugged it off. I promised our kids we wouldn’t be gone long.”
‘Your dad is going to die. This is a gut-wrencher. You will adopt a child. He will be your brother – the 4th child your dad has with his new wife.’
“Your dad’s wife will die unexpectedly of a drug overdose, followed by your dad to cancer just days later. Before your dad dies, he will sign over custody to you. You will fight tooth and nail through the courts for this child. This is your rock bottom.”
‘I immediately began to hyperventilate. ‘Mrs. Ramsammy, we’ve got two brothers in need of a home tonight. They are 4 months and 15 months. Are you able to take them?’
“She told me their names, and I gasped and yelled, ‘You’re kidding right??’ Probably not a response she was expecting. Like what are the chances of that??”
‘Zane got a call from a fellow soldier. He knew a young woman who was expecting a baby. She wanted a loving family for him. ‘We might be getting a baby!’ I was stunned, ecstatic, and terrified.’
“The day finally arrived. The doctor opened the door, popped his head in and said, ‘How about Monday?’ I glanced over to see her expression. ‘Sounds good!’ On the inside I was doing a full-blown happy dance. My thoughts were screaming, ‘That’s MY birthday!!! His birthday is going to be MY birthday!’”
‘He looked me straight in the eye. ‘I’m sure you’re aware this is a FINAL decision. Once I sign off, you cannot change your mind.’ They’re a sibling group of 3, and 2 of them had special needs.’
“‘Morning mama. It’s adoption day.’ Butterflies filled my stomach. The girls and I dolled ourselves up to reflect what was on the inside. Joy and beauty. We went to the courthouse. Then, my lawyer pulled me aside. There had been a miscommunication. My heart dropped.”
‘I still remember where I was standing. A 19 year old girl wanted to chat. Something didn’t feel right. Then we saw her from a distance.’
“We knew there was a 72 hour waiting period where the birth parents minds could change and so could our world.”
‘Momma, can you please call the judge? He’s moving too slow. Does he know I need you to be my momma? I’ll tell him. I need to be adopted. I can’t wait anymore.’ My boys waited 3 long years.’
“We started making visits with his siblings. This one forever changed my life. I felt a little tug on my shirt. He said, ‘Are you Jeremy’s mom?’ I said, ‘Yeah buddy, I am.’ And then his crushing response was, ‘Will you be my mom too?’ I cried. I hugged him. I was speechless.”
‘You didn’t really give us a choice.’ How do you tell someone you just met why you fell for a baby you have never seen in the flesh?’
“What about your biological child, were you able to meet them before you chose them? Or did you just feel that instant bond? That maternal or paternal feeling they need or needed you?”
‘My doctor held my hand and started, ‘Tami…’ In that moment, I knew. I couldn’t breathe because I knew. Or at least I thought I did. My heart exploded with relief!’
“We were walking out of the house when a feather floated right in front of us. As we sat enjoying our morning coffee, another tiny feather made an appearance. On the drive home, I kept thinking … two feathers … what does that mean? But I had a hunch. I went straight to the bathroom and found a pregnancy test.”
