“When he was leaving me, I asked him, ‘Why did you lie? Why did you say you loved me and recite vows to me on our wedding day if you never had intentions of seeing it though?’ He replied, ‘It takes two to have a dysfunctional relationship.’ He was right. I wasn’t dysfunctional any longer.”
‘After 6 months of marriage, he sat down and said, ‘I’m not happy, and it’s because of you.’ I told him to get out of our apartment, and be moved out by the time I got back.’
‘It finally happened. I was introduced as her ‘new Grandma.’ My heart was so full. This is what I’d been missing for so long.’
“I thought, ‘Well, what the heck.’ A lovely young lady messaged me. Turns out, her girls needed a grandma in their lives just as much as I needed grandbabies to love. She has struggles she is unable to disclose to her own mom, so I have become her confidant. All I ever wanted to be is a good mom, and an even better Grandma.”
‘I’ll give you a 6-pack if you meet with me and drive around.’ I said, ‘Ok, I’ll be back later tonight.’ My heart was racing thinking about getting into a car with a man I don’t know. But I was desperate.’
“I can still feel the chilly air on my face. All I really wanted to do was go home. ‘Why did I get myself into this?,’ I thought. We stopped at hotels. He tried to force me, but I was able to push him off and say ‘no’ enough times. He was nice enough to stop.”
‘Daddy, why does mommy sleep all the time now?’ Things I swore I’d never do, I started doing. ‘Mommy, you asked us the same questions three times!’ My husband begged me.’
“While Carl was out of town, I called him, but I don’t even remember. I knew I’d scared him. He’d felt helpless thousands of miles away while I was home with the kids. For the first time ever, I felt selfish.”
‘He crept in my room when my mother was working. My stepdad said she wanted me to do ‘those things’ to make him happy in her absence. I was afraid. I could trust no one.’
“I was told I was ‘Pretty for a big girl.’ Because I was overweight, I thought that would keep me safe. If I stayed fat, no one would want to touch me. My grandparents would ask me questions. Of course I denied it.”
‘I realized my worst nightmare had come true. I was truly alone, ‘white-knuckling’ it. I did a 180 and completely turned my life around. Or, so I thought.’
“I’m now a successful and contributing member of society, with a picture-perfect life. However, looks can be deceiving – because I had a secret.”
‘I crawled out of my sunroof. I saw flashing lights behind my car and burst into tears. ‘How many times can 2 loving parents bail out their idiot child?,’ I thought. This was the last straw.’
“I remember nothing after midnight. I woke up the next morning terrified of talking to my parents. They were going to murder me, I knew it. Tearfully, I told them what I’d done.”
‘My wife must regret spending her life with me. If she met someone different, she’d have perfectly healthy children,’ I told myself. ‘He is one of 34 people known to have this.’ My heart sank. ‘What? In the country?’ ‘No, in the world.’
“I remember thinking, ‘Maybe we just aren’t the best of parents.’ Little did I know my wife was secretly researching and had discovered a condition. One day, she showed me a video. My heart sunk. I felt dizzy. Straight away, I knew this was what our boy had.”
‘I don’t know how we got to that house. I don’t know why I did the things I did when we got there. I just know it was my bottom. I hurt him terribly by cheating on him.’
“When I woke up that morning, I was so incomprehensibly demoralized and mortified at myself and my behavior. I never wanted to feel that way again. I never wanted to hurt like that again. I had to change.”
‘Get in the car,’ my mom forcefully tells me. My mind is racing. Turning me into jail? Where are we going? The drive feels like an eternity.’ She parks. ‘Do you see this place?,’ she chokes out.’
“I had an urge. I was terrified. I went to the only place I knew I was safe. She was asleep. I stood by her crib and stared at the greatest gift I had ever been given, my beautiful baby girl. As I looked at her, tears flooded out of me. That night, she saved my life.”