“I saw a man walk onto my porch, then he bent down like he was hiding. So, I was like, ‘Hell no, you aren’t about to steal my Halloween decorations.’ I grab a baseball bat and the dog, open the door, jump out and literally yell ‘Freeze!’ The man stands up, and he’s holding a pair of underwear. I’m like, ‘You dirty old man, you’re on my porch smelling underwear.’ I’m out here swinging this baseball bat and he’s screaming, ‘Wait! Wait!’”