“I saw a man walk onto my porch, then he bent down like he was hiding. So, I was like, ‘Hell no, you aren’t about to steal my Halloween decorations.’ I grab a baseball bat and the dog, open the door, jump out and literally yell ‘Freeze!’ The man stands up, and he’s holding a pair of underwear. I’m like, ‘You dirty old man, you’re on my porch smelling underwear.’ I’m out here swinging this baseball bat and he’s screaming, ‘Wait! Wait!’”
‘The man yells, ‘Look! These are yours. They fell out of that box. I’m your mailman!’: Woman hilariously recalls run-in with Amazon Prime deliveryman who picked up her ‘new butt’ underwear
‘Not even Amazon Prime can deliver a gift to Heaven. You run to the phone hoping this time it will say ‘Nana Calling.’: Granddaughter says Grandparents Day ‘looks different’ after your grandparents die
“A lot of people tell you how you should move on. You hope you’ve turned out to be every bit like Grandma. You dodge the card aisle because you can’t bring yourself to read them.”
‘Every mom can relate to getting rid of toys behind their kids’ backs. Then one night your daughter walks up and asks, ‘Hey mom, where’s my pink baby walrus?’ Your heart stops.’
“Ummmm… busted. Crap. Uhh divert, divert, divert.”
