angel baby

‘This baby is not a replacement for the 2 children I lost.’ Mom pregnant with rainbow baby says even though this pregnancy is ‘completely different,’ there is still ‘fear and heartache’

“As the weeks edge closer to delivery day, I find myself conflicted with emotions. The joy and love I feel for this unborn child is genuine. But, child loss has broken me. This baby has already proved to help me heal, but she will never be a replacement for the son and daughter who died in my arms.”

‘Mom she’s gone, I just know.’ I sat on my stairs with my front door open, in shock.’: How this ‘broken’ mother helps other parents of child loss heal after her own tragedy

“Seeing my sweet baby girl laying in a huge bed, much too big for her, made me fall to my knees. A nurse said to me, ‘Get off the floor, it’s so dirty.’ I was angry at her, I was angry at the hospital chaplain placing his eerie hand on my shoulder with no real comfort. No parent should have to write their child’s eulogy, or decide between a casket or an urn. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.”

‘Instead of decorating a nursery or washing tiny clothes, I had to explain to your toddler sisters why you’re an angel.’: Family shares 1 ‘quick, beautiful’ hour with newborn son before his last breaths

“Little Fitz, oh how I wish we could bring you home. It pains me knowing we won’t be able to see you take your first steps or spit out mushed-up peas. I won’t be able to see a brace-faced boy awkwardly place a corsage on a girl’s wrist before a high school dance, freak out in a parking lot when teaching you to drive, or help you move into your college dorm. I wonder what you would’ve been like, what you would’ve done, and how you’d change the world.”

‘Today is the day I get to meet Abigail!’ I’m excited! Her tone is bleak, she begins to cry. ‘Abigail didn’t make it.’: Father’s anguish over losing child, ‘drifting apart’ from daughter’s mother after ‘trauma’

“A text comes to me about 11:24. It reads, ‘Are you at work? Can you call me?’ Abigail’s mother no longer wanted to be around me. I was a reminder of our trauma. It was devastating because now I feel completely erased from her life as if nothing ever happened. I constantly dream of the family that almost was.”

‘My doctor held my hand and started, ‘Tami…’ In that moment, I knew. I couldn’t breathe because I knew. Or at least I thought I did. My heart exploded with relief!’

“We were walking out of the house when a feather floated right in front of us. As we sat enjoying our morning coffee, another tiny feather made an appearance. On the drive home, I kept thinking … two feathers … what does that mean? But I had a hunch. I went straight to the bathroom and found a pregnancy test.”

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