anorexia

‘I can’t find a heartbeat.’ I fell from the gurney, slamming my head. She cradled me like the baby I knew I would never get to keep.’: Woman gives birth to son born sleeping, ‘It is excruciating’

“She frantically scanned, her voice trembling, ‘I’m sorry.’ I covered my face and just sobbed. I kept screaming to get her to try again. I can’t even begin to describe what it is like to know you are going to give birth to a dead baby. I tickled his button nose that matched mine. I was in complete awe.”

‘At 12, the psychiatrist gave an ultimatum. ‘If you don’t gain 0.2 pounds by Monday, I’m sticking a tube down your throat and admitting you to the psych ward.’: Anorexia survivor says ‘recovery is a choice I make every day’

“I cheated my way out, really believing the worst was over. That lasted 12 hours. My mom took me to the supermarket to buy a birthday cake for my friend. I stood in the cake aisle and started to panic. I couldn’t do it. I was so consumed by it, even looking at the cake felt like something I’d have to punish myself for. I left the story empty-handed and in tears. I didn’t think I’d live to see my 15th birthday.”

‘Your makeup looks like you worship Satan. Your entire appearance disgusts me.’: Abuse victim proudly says, ‘I am so much more than she said I was going to amount to’

“She would break out the large stitching needles and sit on my tiny form, peeling my fingernails away from my flesh. It didn’t matter what it was, she insulted it. ‘You will die alone,’ she said when I mentioned being in love with a girl. ‘I should have aborted you,’ when I talked back. Once puberty hit, it was game over for me. I couldn’t win no matter how hard I tried.”

‘When my dad whispered, ‘I love you,’ I knew it was more than that. It was a final goodbye. They were ready to let go.’: Woman diagnosed with eating disorder at 13 finally accepts help, ‘I am ready to start the next, better, decade of my life’

“My parents had shed too many tears over me, and I couldn’t bear it to break their hearts again. I felt ready to die, but knew it wasn’t my time. I was weak. I gave up the reigns and opted for inpatient treatment. I was frustrated, and I let this be known. I would shout and hit the walls. I would argue. But gradually, I came to life again. I am no longer held back by my demons.”

‘So she’ll always be sick?’ I leave the office with an answer but no cure. ‘I’m not dying. I’m just 16 and past my prime.’: Chronic illness warrior battles lupus and fibromyalgia

“’Maybe if I drank bleach,’ I think. I feel so dirty, tired and stiff. ‘Maybe if I turned inside-out and scrubbed my veins out with soap.’ Surely the disease would be eradicated. I’m supposed to find out today. I tap my foot. ‘Remember to breathe, you have to breathe, just breathe.’ Dr. Box settles into his rolling chair. ‘So she’ll always be sick?’ ‘Yes, but we caught it early.’ Yesterday, I dropped my hairbrush. I couldn’t finish. My hair is still knotted in the back. Last week, I passed out briefly, stepping out of the shower. And this was an improvement.”

‘You look amazing. You’ve definitely lost weight.’ If he didn’t text me back, I’d assume the worst. I was extremely controlling.’: Woman suffers from eating disorder, mental illness, loss of grandfather taught her ‘to get the help I needed’

“I said to him, ‘Pup, it’s ok if you can’t make it to the wedding.’ I’d think, ‘I’ll never have a photo of me and Pup in my wedding dress. I’ll never have the opportunity to eat my wedding dinner with him. He’ll never meet my children.’ I hit the lowest low I ever had. Before my husband and I walked down the aisle, I couldn’t help but feel like Pup was there. I said to my now husband, ‘He’s here. I can feel it.’ My husband grabbed my hand. ‘I know.’”

‘I was attracted to you before you put on weight.’ It broke me. Now he’s dating a woman half my size and 15 years his junior.’: Woman works to be body positive after being fat-shamed, urges ‘You matter and you are enough’

“My doctor told me, ‘Your weight is why you lost your baby.’ I was destroyed. My weight was the reason my marriage ended and it was also the reason I miscarried. My ex-husband even went as far to accuse me of making up the entire pregnancy. I lost my love, my child, and myself that year.”

‘Your legs are covered in FAT.’ I bought diet pills from China. They made my heart race. ‘The risks are worth it,’ I thought.’: Woman battles anorexia, describes it like an ‘abuser who is hurting you, yet you want to protect him’

“I had no idea what the ingredients were! They made me feel weak, extremely thirsty… The pills even made the news as a girl ended up with a colostomy bag because of side effects. This didn’t scare me. ‘The risks are worth it,’ I thought. ‘I am not THAT sick!’ I had huge arguments with family. I was never afraid of dying.”

‘Look, she’s eating something!’ I hear the whisper. I feel the cold gnawing at the bottom of my stomach. I hate it and I love it.’: After 12 years battling anorexia, ED survivor learns to accept new plus-size body

“My brother makes me a sandwich when he sees I didn’t eat lunch. My bones poke up under my skin. ‘Please eat it,’ he begs. ‘You need to eat.’ It is so sweet of him, so I eat a few bites. But when he leaves, I give the rest to the dogs. They leave no evidence. Nothing in the trash for my dad to find when he empties it, nothing to clog the toilet. I have become clever in the ways of secret self-destruction.”

‘I wouldn’t use Chapstick. I was afraid I might lick my lips and accidentally swallow some of it, convinced it would make me fat.’: Woman suffering eating disorder is admitted to recovery center, ‘We aren’t treated like people. We were treated like patients’

“All doors were alarmed, and I was surrounded by strangers. My identical twin made me a blanket to take to treatment. She wanted me to feel at home. The staff wouldn’t allow me to have it. Since I was still on Red level, I wasn’t allowed into my bedroom. I sat on the floor in the hallway by my room and cried to my mom on the phone, begging her to bring me home. As I cried on the floor, a patient walked up to me and handed me a little slip of paper. He had written ‘You can do this’ on a scrap of paper. I sobbed. I still have his note.”

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