“No one came to see me at the hospital. It took my ‘friends’ a year and half to even notice I was gone. Until one day I was caught at the school by the gym teacher in the girl’s bathroom. ‘You should’ve just killed yourself a faster way and got it over with.’ Soon after, I met a man.”
‘He left me in the woods alone and stole my phone. I woke up cold, scared. I became the talk of the school. Weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.’
‘I was in front of my mirror at age 13. ‘This is not your fault. I love you so much and I am still your daughter. I am sorry.’ I didn’t want my parents to blame themselves for how messed up I was inside.’
“After one day of exercise I walked into my bathroom and began removing my sports bra. I collapsed to the ground with debilitating chest pains. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t yell for help. I thought I was dying when I had finally found reason to live.”
‘The guy who brought me to the party passed out. I should have left him, but I’m a loyal person. I fell asleep and was awoken by a man’s body on top of mine. I couldn’t move and yelled for help.’
“I remember telling my mom, ‘I would die if something happened to you.’ She always reassured me, ‘I’m not going anywhere Erica.’ I whole-heartedly believed she would live forever. Then she started complaining of severe headaches. Selfishly, I thought, ‘Well if God took my Grannie, he can’t take my mom too.'”
‘I was the gift that was traded in exchange. What killed me the most, was pulling my Sunday dress back down and walking out as if nothing had happened. I was 5 years old.’
“I finally ended my silence and told my dad. His response was, ‘I had a feeling that was what was happening.’”
‘My parents knew I suffered abuse. ‘It is not that bad, she will get over it.’ I was alone. Because they doubted me, I started to doubt myself.’
“After another traumatic pregnancy, it hit me like a truck. I loved her so much, but I kept looking at her and thinking, ‘how could you?’ I always thought if I had a baby girl, I would make sure nothing happened to her, like it did to me. But the moment I held her, I realized I couldn’t keep that promise.”
‘I love you, Cindy, I’ll always love you. Please forgive me.’ I was no longer going to be her Momma and watch her grow up. ‘DO IT NOW,’ the Voice says.’
“This time it will work. I even have two bottles of sleeping pills for safety’s sake. Time to die. I unscrew both lids and turn the tap on. I’ve locked the door behind me, just in case, but I’m not expecting anyone else … not in this lifetime.”
‘I was fat shamed by a complete stranger on a plane.’
“As I looked back to confirm he moved, 4 rows back, I overheard him tell his new neighbor in row 15, ‘That girl up there is so huge, I…’”
The Nurse Practitioner says to my 13-year-old daughter, ‘Tell me Riley, HOW CAN YOU EXPLAIN ALL THIS WEIGHT YOU’VE GAINED?’
“I put my hand up and said ‘STOP!”
‘Just a few more pounds, then I’ll stop. 140. 135. Just a few more. 115 pounds. Will I ever stop?’
“She looked me straight in the eyes and said, ‘Do you ever worry about dying? You are slowly killing yourself.’ The words cut right through me. She was right.”
”Skinny girls can wear whatever. Skinny girls have it so easy.’ Yeah, OK, try being skinny for a year and you’ll understand how hard it is.’
“We don’t have it easy. Yeah, we can eat whatever and not gain weight. That’s a pro of being skinny. Other than that, there’s not much else positive out of being skinny.”
