“When my husband and I decided to have a second child, crap hit the fan. I felt like a failure, yet nothing was ‘officially’ wrong with me. I would overdo it just to show him I was a good mom. I would regret it later.”
‘I love when you are healthy, and can play with me,’ my son said. That CRUSHED me. I was forced to observe my son from a distance, watching his life from afar. I couldn’t join in.’
‘When you look at me, I know what you see. Your face says it all clearly: ‘You’re so fun! So crazy. So put together!’ What don’t you see? I am on the highest dose of Prozac a woman can take.’
“I’ve got all the ‘required’ pics. Smiley, happy, spouse selfie? Check. Happy, well-behaved kids? Got ’em. But I am tired of living in secrecy and shame. I am done hiding from my truth.”
‘I was pregnant. I was only 21. I started bleeding. ‘Maybe it’s for the best,’ one family member said. This was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. Instead, it was a nightmare.’
“Josh came home. He suggested we go for a walk, but when I told him to just take our daughter. He couldn’t understand why – and that’s when I lost it. I was screaming at everyone, ‘WHY AM I HERE? I DON’T UNDERSTAND. WHAT IS THE POINT.’”
‘I had just gotten in my car when my phone rang. It was my best friend. She sounded serious. ‘What’s wrong?’ She didn’t know how to tell me, but I should get home as soon as I could.’
“My boyfriend was kicking me out of the apartment we shared. ‘Why?!,’ I asked her crying. I drove home as fast as I could. My clothes, makeup, shoes, were all thrown on the floor. He said he ‘knew what I had done.’ I was so confused.”
‘He told me he didn’t feel attached to our baby, and he didn’t love me anymore. I secretly hoped I would die in childbirth. My life as I knew it, was completely dismantled.’
“I decided to clean out her bedroom. It was a virtual cesspool. As I was clearing away the reminders of her unwell state, I found her suicide note.”
‘I had never been aware of the world of anti-depressants. How can you be THAT sad? I didn’t get it. Then my 2-year-old was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphoma.’
“It was then that I understood depression. I was completely overwhelmed. I was getting frustrated with my daughter who couldn’t help or control anything she was doing or what was happening to her. I felt crazy.”
‘8 months before this picture was taken, at the recommendation of my gynecologist, I went off Zoloft for the first time in a decade.’
“‘It’s better if you just get off of it,’ he said to me, without ever asking if I thought that would be the right choice for my personal situation. Wanting to start off on the right foot as a mother, I was obedient and followed his instructions without question. What I didn’t know, however, was there were other options.”
‘It doesn’t mean I’m broken. It means I’m strong enough to ask for help.’
“So here’s the thing about depression that also makes it soooo dangerous- sometimes you don’t even realize you have it until the fog clears and you actually want to go places and do things.”
So You Need To Take Antidepressants…
“You don’t have to be strong all the time.”
‘See this little blue pill I am holding? It’s my lifeline.’
“It is the biggest weapon I have in fighting my disease. That’s right. My mental illness is a disease.”
