“I seem fine and happy. They may think I’m trying to be like my child. Or that I am faking it. It’s a weird feeling.”
‘I’m a 34-year-old woman and I only got formally diagnosed 2 DAYS ago. I’m autistic.’
‘Oh my Gosh, she’s a baby. ‘I’m saying yes,’ I typed to him in Afghanistan. ‘Say yes,’ he responded simultaneously. ‘We’ll take her!’ I nearly shouted into the phone.’
“‘Dad has to move to Colorado,’ I told our sons. ‘He doesn’t have a choice’ ‘We’re not leaving her, right?,’ Aidan interrupted, his tone laced with terror. ‘We can’t just leave her!’ His voice was sandpaper rough, speaking the words I couldn’t. ‘We…we might have to make a tough decision.’ ‘I know,’ I whispered.”
‘I wouldn’t even let you watch my DOG,’ the attorney said to me. I lost custody of my firstborn, my baby girl. I began sobbing. Then WOW, a miracle happened.’
“I had already seen my daughter, at 2 years old, my ‘angel baby,’ be taken over by this ‘STRANGER.’ Now here I am, years later with my son. I began to see this ‘stranger’ steal another one of my baby’s personalities. I had always looked forward to motherhood. BUT THIS?! Why my babies?!”
‘Test after test doctors would tell us ‘it came back normal.’ How? Why are they coming back normal? My son seems to be getting worse, NOT better.’
“I thought to myself, ‘How long has he had this? Was it something I did?’ I had so many questions. To this day, most of my questions still haven’t been answered.”
‘With no emotion he told us, ‘Ryder will forever be a vegetable and drool all over himself.’ Then he got up and left the room. All I saw was tunnel vision. We knew it wasn’t right.’
“Driving down the road, my ears started ringing. With the big lump in my throat I let out a few tears, pulled myself together, and prayed. I felt as if I was getting struck by lightning once again. So many rare things have happened to our family.”
‘I got on the bus. 3 boys yelled at me, ‘Hey white boy!’ ‘Mom, I was nervous.’ After all, I was the only white boy on the bus. They asked if I use the N-word. ‘No,’ my Stepdad is black. He’s my family.’
“Austin, my son with autism, asked him, ‘Have you killed anyone in a war?’ I quickly tried to hush him up. He looked at Austin and said, ‘No, but I know bullets can kill.’ Austin looked perplexed. ‘Do you like video games?’ ‘Yes, I love video games.’ Austin smiled from ear to ear.”
‘I whispered to Santa, ‘He is blind and autistic and is very interested in Santa.’ He said, ‘Say no more,’ and immediately got down on the floor to greet my little man.’
“He asked Matthew if he wanted to feel anything and Matthew said, ‘Your eyes that twinkle.’ My heart was so full.”
‘No, this can’t be real. Not this. It isn’t fair! Hasn’t she been through enough?’ But it was real. I heard the words no parent wants to hear.’
“How did I ever think motherhood would be easy, magical, dreamy? My mind started racing with questions. I let myself wallow in self-pity for about 24 hours, and then I decided I would not give in.”
‘The first time anyone noticed my son was different he was 7 months old. It was like he didn’t see the other kids. Anyone in his path was in trouble.’
“The word ‘autism’ was thrown around quite a lot during his toddler and early preschool life and to be honest, it scared me.”
‘Will he ever talk? This is the question I get asked most often about my son.’
“He may never be able to verbally communicate, and I can say with confidence – I’m okay with that. Cue the ‘gasps.'”
