“I screamed my husband’s name. ‘His stomach is warm!,’ I said out loud. I fell over my baby’s body. Air escaped his throat in a tiny wheeze that sounds like a coo. ‘He made a noise!’ Their faces fell. ‘It’s from the CPR.’ ‘It happens.’ They were trying not to fall apart.”
‘I went into my son’s room to wake him. I could sense something wasn’t right. I remember the pallor of his face as I turned him over. Grey. Porcelain.’
‘I gave birth to a beautiful Chinese baby in which I share zero genes with. HE DIDN’T GET THE MEMO.’
“I now had a 4-year-old, a 2-year-old, and I was newly divorced. ‘How were you able to give up the baby?’ I felt like I signed my life away. They needed to make sure I wasn’t going to go crazy.”
‘I text him. ‘I’m so sorry, do you need me?,’ he asked. ‘No. I don’t need you. You wanted this.’ We’re fighting again. We lay in bed. Our bed. We cry. I cannot give him what he wants.’
“When I get home, all his things are gone. Like he was never there. I don’t make it two steps past the house door. I lay there and I cry. I cannot move. I cannot breathe. I do not want to be here. This is going to kill me.”
‘The pain radiated from my stomach to my legs. I threw up. Finally, the fetus came out. I caught a glance of the baby in the toilet, before flushing it down.’
“I laid in the doctor’s office. Brandon stood there recording the whole thing, expecting to document the most exciting moment of our lives. She started asking me strange questions that seemed crazy at the time. It wasn’t until days later it hit me.”
‘I’m not attached to my baby. There, I said it.’
“It’s a harsh reality to admit, and I’m sure I’ll get a few gasps. But it’s the honest truth. And I know I’m not alone. I shrug off compliments from strangers about my pregnancy. This is my coping mechanism.”
‘Is he gone?!,’ I yelled. It wasn’t my husband. He was so excited to be a dad. He was born to be one. I held his hand, telling him how much his unborn son and I loved him.’
“Scott just started a new job. We bought a house and were moving. He started not feeling well, but we attributed it to the stress of everything changing in our life. He went to work after getting me settled in the hospital. When he came back, he looked pale. I told him to get some rest, I would be just fine.”
‘The anesthetist put a mask over my face. ‘Please help me, I’m going to die.’ She replied, ‘You‘re not going to die.’ I thought about the family I was leaving behind, and then it went dark.’
“Mom kept saying to me, ‘You’re in labor.’ I kept replying, ‘No I’m not.’ Ethan and I just kept repeating, ‘IMAGINE, imagine if this is it!’ We were so excited, and so naive of what was to come. I put my chin to my chest and pushed as hard as my body could handle.”
‘IT’S A GIRL!’ I was shocked to see her hair was so white. He points at my mom. ‘Is that your mom? Are you adopted?’ I was offended. ‘Do you have albinos in the family? I think your baby is albino.’
“I was fed up and told him off. He was puzzled and asked, ‘Are you and your ex related?’ Our response was an obvious, ‘NO!’ We got the genetic tests done. Little did I know, I’d soon be pregnant with a second white-haired child.”
‘I received a text. ‘Have you ever considered adoption? I have a friend looking to place.’ I said, ‘I wish!’ When my husband came home, I pulled him close. This was not a coincidence.’
“My husband asked me to schedule him a doctor’s appointment. This was rare. He never asks for that. He found a hard mass on his right testicle and needed it checked out immediately. ‘The doctor will see you now,’ the receptionist said. Once in the room, the doctor confirmed the news.”
‘Yes, I punched my child, but I did it out of love. It was a subconscious effort to battle my ridiculous fear of spiders and save my child from being eaten whole.’
“My baby is sitting in the flowers. ALL OF A SUDDEN, A MASSIVE WOLF SPIDER MAKES HIS DEBUT ON HER MOTHER LOVIN’ DRESS! It sees me, I see him, and we lock eyes.”
