“It’s the grand opening. It’s like a crazy hormonal circus for married chicks. You bet your right freaking leg she can Instafollow, Snapchat and Facestalk 24 random women, working with nothing more than a first name a grid reference of 200 square miles.”
‘I knew something was up. She walked over to the couch, sits down, turns the TV on and I realized. It’s freaking Bachelor season.’
‘The first step is admitting you have a Christmas movie problem.’
“Where else besides ‘Dancing with the Stars’ can you find all of your favorite sitcom actors from the ’90s? Danica McKellar? Yes, please! Lacey Chabert? I’ll take two! Is that Dean Cain? Grab your Santa suit and get in that phone booth, Superman. You can save my Christmas anytime!”
