battling grief

‘I heard him reach the bedroom and scream. ‘There’s something wrong with the baby!’ I grabbed her and started touching her face, opening her mouth. ‘WHAT? How is that even possible?’

“I remember opening my balcony door and screaming. People across the street stared up at my window while Nick ran into the field to help the paramedics find us. I rode to the hospital, holding Jaymie-Leigh wrapped in her Peppa Pig blanket. I just stared, hoping and praying she would just look up and smile at me.”

‘My son woke from his coma. ‘Dad’s in heaven. I saw him there.’ I was startled. ‘Mom, I saw your other 2 kids, too.’ He was an only child. I knew what he was taking about, but how did he know?’

“In the blink of an eye, my life changed. One second. One stoplight. There were no sirens, no warning signs. I remember saying, ‘Please heal my son and let him live.’ He was mad at me. ‘Why did you pray for me, mom? I wish I could’ve stayed with dad.’ My heart broke.”

‘There’s not just one healthy baby. There’s TWO!’ My husband fell to the floor in shock. I had a huge pit in the bottom of my stomach. ‘There must be some mistake!’ 

“She stepped out of the room to give my OB a call. My mind went crazy. She must’ve been calling for backup. I was crying in complete confusion. Two? TWINS? No one gets pregnant and thinks ‘Yay! I’m going to have babies!’ It’s always, ‘Yay! I’m going to have A baby!’ But I had this strange feeling in my chest.”

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