battling miscarriage

‘If I drink beer, maybe they’ll like me.’ ‘Maybe if I smoke this.’ Their words cut deep. I was desperate for acceptance. When it wasn’t enough, I stopped going to class and flunked with all F’s.’

“I thought the bullying would stop when my mom died of cancer, but it returned full force. I remember being yanked off my feet by my ponytail, blood running down my leg. I still wasn’t good enough, so I dropped out. When I returned to school at 31, a mother of 3 kids, I thought the same failure awaited me again. I was absolutely terrified.”

‘This is weird, but I feel like I know you.’ My heart dropped. ‘Were you adopted?’ Yes. ‘How old are you?’ 40. ‘I gave birth to a child 40 years ago.’: Woman gives son up for adoption, runs into him 40 years later at supermarket

“The mutual dreams. The age. The feeling. It all seemed to align by some inexplicable magic. He didn’t speak. He only sobbed, my tears flowing with him. I was never a believer in miracles. But this? This felt like a miracle of the utmost kind. The universe brought us together. It’ll take an army to tear us apart.”

‘I blacked out and collapsed. ‘We’re taking your baby,’ I heard someone say. I woke up not knowing where I was. I tried to tell them I was in pain, but couldn’t talk.’

“I saw nurses running back and forth. My parents waited for the helicopter to land. ‘They have to do surgery right now or she’ll die.’ My husband pulled over, went behind a building, and cried. ‘How am I going to raise 4 kids alone?!’ My oldest son was too scared to touch me. ‘I’m scared I’m going to hurt you, mama.’”

‘There’s not just one healthy baby. There’s TWO!’ My husband fell to the floor in shock. I had a huge pit in the bottom of my stomach. ‘There must be some mistake!’ 

“She stepped out of the room to give my OB a call. My mind went crazy. She must’ve been calling for backup. I was crying in complete confusion. Two? TWINS? No one gets pregnant and thinks ‘Yay! I’m going to have babies!’ It’s always, ‘Yay! I’m going to have A baby!’ But I had this strange feeling in my chest.”

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