beautiful

‘We got THE CALL. ‘Would you be willing to accept a 3-month-old baby with serious medical needs?’ Our girl had endured more in those first 3 months than most do in a lifetime.’

“The thought of leaving her at school left me breathless. Would her teacher know what she needed? What if she was sad? Would she be scared? Made fun of by other kids for the ‘funny way’ she spoke? While our love and commitment to her never wavered for a second, it was earth shattering to hear.”

‘I don’t understand how you don’t love me anymore, just like that,’ I said as we laid in the bed together, tears pouring down my cheeks. ‘I do still love you,’ she responded, and then stopped.’

“‘John, you didn’t lie to me,’ she said. ‘What do you mean?,’ I asked. ‘You told me you would never leave. And you didn’t lie,’ she said softly, as we squeezed each other’s hands so tight. The nurse who had become Michelle’s self-proclaimed ‘bestie’ stood in the corner and sobbed.”

‘I got on the bus. 3 boys yelled at me, ‘Hey white boy!’ ‘Mom, I was nervous.’ After all, I was the only white boy on the bus. They asked if I use the N-word. ‘No,’ my Stepdad is black. He’s my family.’

“Austin, my son with autism, asked him, ‘Have you killed anyone in a war?’ I quickly tried to hush him up. He looked at Austin and said, ‘No, but I know bullets can kill.’ Austin looked perplexed. ‘Do you like video games?’ ‘Yes, I love video games.’ Austin smiled from ear to ear.”

‘You might look at these pictures, and feel uncomfortable. You might think, ‘I could never ‘share’ my child like that.’ She leaves the hospital with empty arms. Open adoption does not equal co-parenting.’

“During her second trimester she sent me emails letting me know about the SpaghettiOs he was making her crave. She gave us a jar of pink and blue candies and made us count every single one to find out if it was a boy or a girl. They gave them life and I am teaching them how to live it.”

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