being a single mom

‘Can you drop me at my relative’s house?’ I kissed him goodbye, bawling. Something didn’t feel right.’: Young mom recounts harrowing journey to single motherhood, ‘I’m my son’s world, and he is mine’

“He was so insistent on going. I thought I was just being paranoid. ‘What did I do wrong? What did I do?’ I didn’t eat. I didn’t sleep. At this point, I was heavily pregnant. Then, I got news from his family there were absolutely no relatives in the area I dropped him off. It was another woman’s house. I didn’t trust my gut. Just like that, he stopped calling and texting. He fell off the face of the planet.”

‘At 7 months pregnant, I found messages online to a dozen women, telling them he wished I was dead.’: Woman ‘destroyed’ by abusive man, finds ‘confidence’ traveling the world with baby

“The biological father was someone I barely knew. He wanted to marry me, but I knew in my heart he was not the one. Over the next 7 months of pregnancy, I told his parents he was cheating on me with dozens of women. They blamed me for his actions. The veil was lifted. I was being manipulated and abused on all fronts.”

‘Here I was, a 3-month-old in hand, her father leaving because he couldn’t handle my postpartum depression.’: Young mom overcomes suicide, ‘bliss lies on the other side of pain’

“On Christmas night, I sat on my empty floor, no tree, no presents, just silence. I saw a kitchen with hardly any food. The only items I had to my name were a bag of clothes and a computer. I looked at my daughter sleeping so sweetly, and something deep inside me broke. I told my daughter that night would be the last night. She didn’t deserve any of this.”

‘He looked me straight in the eye. ‘I’m sure you’re aware this is a FINAL decision. Once I sign off, you cannot change your mind.’ They’re a sibling group of 3, and 2 of them had special needs.’

“‘Morning mama. It’s adoption day.’ Butterflies filled my stomach. The girls and I dolled ourselves up to reflect what was on the inside. Joy and beauty. We went to the courthouse. Then, my lawyer pulled me aside. There had been a miscommunication. My heart dropped.”

‘I married a wealthy man at the age of 19. He was already divorced and 15 years older. I ran away and broke all ties with my parents. I was vulnerable.’

“I remember someone from another relationship telling me, ‘You should be happy, at least I am taking off one major thing in your to-do list by marrying you!’ I made the decision that my son and I will never meet him again. People often remind me I am a single mother. I tell them, ‘I was a single mother even when I was married.’”

‘Help me get daddy out!,’ she begged. ‘He won’t like being dirty.’ I took her to see his grave. She started digging up the dirt, crying her little heart out. We sobbed until we had no more tears to cry.’

“She was 3. That was the last time I took her to his grave. She told me her ‘heart hurt too’ much and she didn’t want to go back. She asks if our family can die and ‘be a star in the sky with daddy.’ I go straight into Mommy mode and reassure her we can’t be stars. It’s not our time.”

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