“A lady answered and said she was barricaded in her room and police were everywhere. I grabbed my children and drove where I met a cop blocking off the roads. She couldn’t tell me anything. I drove to the nearest hospital. He wasn’t there.”
‘I love you, I’ve been shot at work.’ It took several times reading it for it to hit me it was real. I called his phone, texted, nothing. My heart dropped.’
‘Ladies, find your person. Not the cutest diaper bag. Not the sleekest car or the fanciest preschool. Not the car seat that is also a stroller that is also a high chair.’
“Find the person that will come hold your baby when all you need is a shower. Find the person who your teenager can call when they have a problem they’re not yet ready to discuss with you. Find the person who is ready to drop everything for queso and margaritas after a hard day, no questions asked.”
‘There was an envelope in the mail for me. ‘It’s a picture of you with a shawl around your head. Why are you wearing that?’ My stomach turned. I was scared to tell her.’
“I was no longer living a secret life. I could be free with my mom now, or so I thought…”
‘I remember how dark and frigid the inside was. It was completely empty. Not one piece of furniture. Nothing. I wandered into a room off to the side. I walked towards it, and instantly got chills.’
“When he got off the phone he said, ‘What do you think? Should we do this?’ I asked if he had seen what was on the wall and he said no. I showed him the picture. When he looked back at me, he had big tears streaming down his cheeks.”
‘If my mom wouldn’t have called the cops on my brother, I would have, without thinking twice. He is on a $10,000 unsecured bond. The person pressing charges—our mom.’
“He made the decision to uproot his life and move 1,200 miles to become our full-time ‘manny.’ Sadly, today, I wouldn’t DARE leave her in his care.”
‘They tell us a baby boy has been born in Texas, our home state. They don’t know many details, but ask if we would be interested. I cannot imagine what she must be feeling.’
“The next hour is a blur. She has until 12:30 to make her final decision and she is spending the morning cuddling her sweet boy.”
‘I have no—I mean NO—idea what I want. When I’m with my kids, I crave alone time. When we’re together as a family, I wish it were just my husband and me.’
“Anyone else? Just me? I don’t want to be discontent. I don’t want to accept my heart’s crummy tendency as normal.”
‘I begged for you to stay the night, but you said you had to go. I gave you a big hug, not knowing it would be the last. You told me you would see me soon. I believed you.’
“As it hit midnight, I felt this overwhelming urge to call you. I knew something wasn’t right. I fell to the floor in shock. ‘Your sister has taken her life.’ I could not believe you were gone.”
‘When I lost my father at 18, you were there. You didn’t force me to talk about my emotions. You shared your father with me when I no longer had one.’
“As young parents I would call you crying because the task of being an adult was too overwhelming. I didn’t feel like enough of a wife or mother. You were kind to irrational postpartum me.”
‘I held my baby and cried. I’ve never felt so alone and helpless. But then, I felt a cold nose on my arm. He was looking up at me to say, ‘Don’t worry Mom, you’re not alone. You have me.’
“He is my Service dog, and my best friend. I needed a C-section. When the time, I gave him a wink and a short goodbye. ‘Can I see it?’ ‘It sure is a noisy little thing!’ ‘Let me see, let me see!’”
