“Truth is, I’ve always been bad at socializing. Getting together for a quick dinner? Um, cue me doing a 20-minute assessment: ‘Do I have the energy to put on real clothes? Am I in the mood to talk? How much will this take out of me?’ I feel a twinge of guilt, mingled with FOMO, when I browse social media and see big group pics of all ‘the girls’ hanging out. I feel a stab of panic because honestly, I’m not sure that will ever be me.”
‘I always longed for a BFF, the kind you see in movies, attached at the hip. That never happened for me.’: 33-year-old woman finally learns to accept being an ‘introvert’
‘I no longer sit at tables where I might be the topic when I get up. I used to think that’s just how women are.’: Woman reminds us ‘worth’ can’t be ‘determined or negotiated’ by others
“If you’re sitting at the table where the topic of discussion is someone else’s shortcomings, mistakes, imperfections, flaws, or lawd the he said she said gossip, GIRL. GET A NEW TABLE. I assure you that when you leave your seat, you’re likely the next topic of conversation.”
‘I heard two soft voices greet each other. ‘Elizabeth!’, ‘Cheryl!’, their voices almost shaken. Two elderly women had run into each other for the first time in months. I pretended to look at shoes as I listened in.’
“I didn’t plan on eavesdropping on their conversation, but there I was, not able to walk away. One of the women said to the other, ‘know anything we can gossip about?’ Ok, this is getting GOOD.”
‘I was 12 when I met the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. ‘What if she didn’t know how much I loved her? I didn’t tell her. I never told her. What if she didn’t know?,’ I asked.’
“‘I heard the words, ‘She’s gone.’ I couldn’t breathe. ‘No, no this isn’t happening. I can’t be picking out her outfit. I can’t do this.’ I felt sick. They put too much makeup on her. ‘Wake up, please wake up.”
‘I need to talk to you. Please.’ My best friend sat me down. I knew she did something really wrong. ‘Promise you won’t hate me.’ I didn’t see it coming. I had no idea.’
“My heart dropped. All I could muster was, ‘What?’ She tried to hold my hands, but I pulled away. ‘We can’t choose who we love!’ It was surreal to take in. I pictured her in my future. Now I can only tear up thinking about it.”
‘No, mommy. You obey ME!’ My son was LOSING. HIS. MIND. Tears were flowing, arms flailing. He threw his sandwich on the ground in protest. All I could think was, ‘I’m failing.’
“Mom shamers lined up with judgemental eyes. The grocery line was never-ending. My friend and her sweet, well-behaved daughter began quietly cleaning up their lunch. ‘If you do it this way, they wouldn’t be acting like that.’ Within five minutes, I raised my white flag.”
‘I got a text from my mom. It said ‘Hey Crystal, give me a call when you get a chance, when the kids aren’t around, you’re not driving and not going to work.’ I knew right away it wasn’t going to be great news.’
“I went to the only place I knew I could actually be alone, and able to talk without little ears around. I sat in my car, in the driveway and I dialed my phone, my mom answered, and we had the conversation. The one that you never want to have.”
‘I was SO nervous the morning of the surprise. I felt like I was back in high school, about to give a dreadful speech. I watched my recycling driver cry tears of joy. The burden was instantly lifted.’
“I thought that would be it. I was wrong. What is a mundane task to many is a big deal around here.”
‘Boys, go to your room. I need to talk to mom.’ I knew the look of anguish, though I’d never seen it on his face. I’ll never forget the phone call that changed his world.’
“My (now) ex-husband took the call. ‘Bam, that was your sister. Your mom found him in the driveway in front of the garage. He had been out messing around in the yard.’”
‘I don’t fit in. They don’t really want me there. I wonder why I wasn’t invited. I walk up to a circle of people and don’t know whether to force my way in, or hang on the outside, twiddling my thumbs.’
“Circles are great if you’re on the inside. But circles can be awfully cruel if you’re left on the outskirts. They can be excluding. Exhausting. Cliquish. Childish. They are far, far too common.”
