“My heart dropped. All I could muster was, ‘What?’ She tried to hold my hands, but I pulled away. ‘We can’t choose who we love!’ It was surreal to take in. I pictured her in my future. Now I can only tear up thinking about it.”
‘I need to talk to you. Please.’ My best friend sat me down. I knew she did something really wrong. ‘Promise you won’t hate me.’ I didn’t see it coming. I had no idea.’
‘No, mommy. You obey ME!’ My son was LOSING. HIS. MIND. Tears were flowing, arms flailing. He threw his sandwich on the ground in protest. All I could think was, ‘I’m failing.’
“Mom shamers lined up with judgemental eyes. The grocery line was never-ending. My friend and her sweet, well-behaved daughter began quietly cleaning up their lunch. ‘If you do it this way, they wouldn’t be acting like that.’ Within five minutes, I raised my white flag.”
‘I got a text from my mom. It said ‘Hey Crystal, give me a call when you get a chance, when the kids aren’t around, you’re not driving and not going to work.’ I knew right away it wasn’t going to be great news.’
“I went to the only place I knew I could actually be alone, and able to talk without little ears around. I sat in my car, in the driveway and I dialed my phone, my mom answered, and we had the conversation. The one that you never want to have.”
‘I was SO nervous the morning of the surprise. I felt like I was back in high school, about to give a dreadful speech. I watched my recycling driver cry tears of joy. The burden was instantly lifted.’
“I thought that would be it. I was wrong. What is a mundane task to many is a big deal around here.”
‘Boys, go to your room. I need to talk to mom.’ I knew the look of anguish, though I’d never seen it on his face. I’ll never forget the phone call that changed his world.’
“My (now) ex-husband took the call. ‘Bam, that was your sister. Your mom found him in the driveway in front of the garage. He had been out messing around in the yard.’”
‘I don’t fit in. They don’t really want me there. I wonder why I wasn’t invited. I walk up to a circle of people and don’t know whether to force my way in, or hang on the outside, twiddling my thumbs.’
“Circles are great if you’re on the inside. But circles can be awfully cruel if you’re left on the outskirts. They can be excluding. Exhausting. Cliquish. Childish. They are far, far too common.”
‘He was yelling down the hospital halls, ‘Best day ever!’ As happy as I was for my son, I felt such sadness for my daughter. She was diagnosed first.’
“Both of our babies had cancer. Even before their diagnoses, they were inseparable, best friends. We sometimes joke, he couldn’t even let his sister go through brain cancer without him.”
‘I’m sorry, but we found a mass in your daughter’s brain.’ I thought that would be the worst day of my life. Little did I know, only 13 days later, THAT would actually be the worst day of my life.’
“In a different ER, a few floors below from where my daughter was, another doctor pulled a different curtain, looked at my husband and me, and said, ‘I’m sorry.’ Time stopped at that moment.”
‘They lost touch. But he remained very dear to my dad, and years later, Dad asked if I could try to find him on the internet. I tried, but had no luck. Part of me was a bit relieved.’
“At the top of his planner was a name I didn’t recognize. I called. ‘Hello sir, my name is Sarah. I’m the daughter of Eugene. He has you here in his phone book but I’m not sure how you know him. Are you from his days in New Jersey?’ At that moment, my memory came back, and I could feel the surge of emotion in me.”
‘I was 17 years old, one month away from graduating high school. I was hanging out with a ‘friend’ who wanted to have sex, but I did not. He chose to rape me and the condom broke.’
“I received a phone call from my cousin who had just turned 14. She was calling to tell me she was pregnant. We ended up being due 3 weeks apart. I was shocked.”
