blame

‘I rose as normal and glanced at the clock. ‘Let me wake her and change her diaper.’ I drop to my knees. 911 operator: ‘Whats your emergency?’ I scream, ‘My baby’s not breathing!’

“I desperately breathe air into my child. Medics rush in. Suddenly, I hear voices, machines. I’m listening for that cry I know. Everything pauses. They wrap her in a soft white blanket, slowly walking towards me as if presenting a gift. I push back, pleading with tears. I beg the doctors to try just a little longer.”

‘My doctor held my hand and started, ‘Tami…’ In that moment, I knew. I couldn’t breathe because I knew. Or at least I thought I did. My heart exploded with relief!’

“We were walking out of the house when a feather floated right in front of us. As we sat enjoying our morning coffee, another tiny feather made an appearance. On the drive home, I kept thinking … two feathers … what does that mean? But I had a hunch. I went straight to the bathroom and found a pregnancy test.”

‘DAD! STOOOOPPPP!’ I screamed. I could no longer rationalize his strange and uncomfortable behavior.’: Sexual assault survivor bravely speaks up after 20 years, urges ‘you are not your story’

“I would witness dual sides of his personality. One would be full of love and laughter as a family man and the other would be animalistic and cruel. I felt like his prey. An outsider greatly misunderstood. I began to question whether or not it was my fault and if I’d somehow given him the wrong impression. I was sworn to secrecy.”

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