“With a disgusted look, my own trainer asked, ‘Why are you SO overweight?’ I felt like I was just punched in my (fat) gut. I cancelled my gym membership and dropped out of high school. Ashamed and embarrassed, I just wanted to crawl in a hole and cry. I always felt in competition with my siblings.”
‘You’d be SO MUCH prettier if you lost weight.’ I was 10. My siblings got juice, while I was only offered water. When we got into fights, ‘fatty’ was their low blow.’
‘Before the wedding, I edited our father daughter track. He didn’t know this version was going to be different. Surprised, his head dropped on my shoulder. Tears rolled down both our faces.’
“I knew I wanted to surprise him at my wedding. As I wiped my dad’s tears away from his immovable smile, I looked over his shoulder as my new husband gently wrapped his arms around my mom. This was truly the sweetest moment of my life.”
‘In a sleepy daze, I vividly remember hearing them say, ‘We’re done, it worked. There’s one heartbeat and here’s the other. Jade, you did it!’ They are our Warrior Princesses.’
“The doctor said, ‘Twins!’ I was told, ‘This is going to be a very high-risk pregnancy.’ We were presented with two options. I was informed, ‘This could take the lives of your girls.'”
‘Nurses told me to ‘Not be so dramatic.’ I tried to get help from teachers, police officers, neighbors, but nobody listened. I cried, ‘He’s hurting me, help me!’ I was sent home the next morning.’
“By 27 years old we had 2 beautiful boys and a baby girl. We were married, living well and happy. I was baking cupcakes and going on field trips – I was exactly who I thought I should be. Then it happened.”
‘My parents knew I suffered abuse. ‘It is not that bad, she will get over it.’ I was alone. Because they doubted me, I started to doubt myself.’
“After another traumatic pregnancy, it hit me like a truck. I loved her so much, but I kept looking at her and thinking, ‘how could you?’ I always thought if I had a baby girl, I would make sure nothing happened to her, like it did to me. But the moment I held her, I realized I couldn’t keep that promise.”
‘We didn’t talk enough, did we?’ My Dad would never walk me down the aisle or meet my children. That’s a very odd thing to discuss with your father when you’re only 23.’
“Having no family, no money and no home after believing your life was completely normal and well adjusted for 23 years can warp your entire view of life. I spent a large amount of time after the incident questioning what was reality.”
‘I love you, Cindy, I’ll always love you. Please forgive me.’ I was no longer going to be her Momma and watch her grow up. ‘DO IT NOW,’ the Voice says.’
“This time it will work. I even have two bottles of sleeping pills for safety’s sake. Time to die. I unscrew both lids and turn the tap on. I’ve locked the door behind me, just in case, but I’m not expecting anyone else … not in this lifetime.”
‘He went pale, stuttered and said, ‘Ma’am, one of your baby’s is in your birth canal, feet first.’ People started flying in. I begged him to give them more time.’
“By the time the helicopter arrived, conditions were too dangerous. I assumed we would be rushed, lights blazing and sirens blasting to the next hospital. I kept asking when a doctor would get around to me. A resident finally came in. His face immediately gave him away.”
‘I got out of bed, got dressed, and left my apartment with no intentions of ever returning. I then pulled out my phone to request an Uber to a bridge in my area.’
“I began walking onto the bridge, passing a sign that held the suicide prevention lifeline number on it. ‘They can’t help me,’ I thought.”