BPD

‘Yes, I attempted suicide 1 year ago. No, I am not ‘selfish’ or ‘crazy.’ I just wanted the pain to end.’: Young woman finds ‘light in the dark,’ says ‘angel in Starbucks’ gave her ‘glimmer of hope’

“After I was released from the hospital, I questioned how I would tell anyone, who I would tell. I questioned whether or not they were going to love me for the person I was, or if the attempt was going to define me. I was terrified. The first person I told was my thesis adviser. When we met up, she hugged me and said, ‘I am so glad you’re here to give a hug to.’ I was in tears. She was my saving grace.”

‘There’s no quick fix. There WILL always be a next panic attack, a next day of self-harm or cloud of doubt. I started to feel I wasn’t enough for him. I couldn’t pray away the dark times.’

“There’s nothing I want more than to see his beautiful smile. But part of being in love with someone struggling with mental health is dealing with the ugly. It’s true what they say. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. But there’s also a damn dimmer switch in that tunnel too.”

‘You’d be SO MUCH prettier if you lost weight.’ I was 10. My siblings got juice, while I was only offered water. When we got into fights, ‘fatty’ was their low blow.’

“With a disgusted look, my own trainer asked, ‘Why are you SO overweight?’ I felt like I was just punched in my (fat) gut. I cancelled my gym membership and dropped out of high school. Ashamed and embarrassed, I just wanted to crawl in a hole and cry. I always felt in competition with my siblings.”

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