“I felt unloved. I tried to prove my worth and acted out to get attention from loved ones. At 14, I started experimenting with drugs. I continued on a rampage until I found heroin at age 15 with the help of an older boyfriend. ‘Please let me come home,’ I begged. I tried to stop many times. Then, one day, I found out I was pregnant. That little heartbeat was the sound of a chapter of my life closing forever.”
‘My parents broke the news. ‘You were adopted at age 2.’ For the first time, I understood my parents had left me behind, forever.’: Adoptee overcomes addiction, ‘I needed to fall in love with myself again’
‘Will I look like him?’ The plane landed. Instant panic struck. My parents never wanted me to find out about him.’: Woman ‘finally complete’ after emotional reunion with biological father, ‘He’s the piece I’ve always been missing’
“I lost my adoptive father and mother only 2 weeks before. Between all the madness, I finally found my biological father. I was told he was ‘the town drunk.’ I was never supposed to know he existed. I heard the plane fly over the dark sky. My stomach suddenly dropped. ‘Please remain seated,’ the pilot announced. I took a deep breath and turned my teary eyes. An average height man locked his blue eyes on mine. Both our smiles began to rise. This was the moment I’d dreamt of my entire life.”
‘I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t wake up.’ I was starving for love, I wanted to be someone’s whole universe.:’ Young woman with Borderline Personality Disorder describes issues with love and boundaries, says she is fighting and working on ME’
“I started crying a lot and cutting myself. I began smoking cigarettes and drinking. I was stoned all the time. I still missed my father. Every time I saw him in town, he walked away. He ignored me, pretending I didn’t exist. And he still does, and has for 11 years.”
‘Yes, I attempted suicide 1 year ago. No, I am not ‘selfish’ or ‘crazy.’ I just wanted the pain to end.’: Young woman finds ‘light in the dark,’ says ‘angel in Starbucks’ gave her ‘glimmer of hope’
“After I was released from the hospital, I questioned how I would tell anyone, who I would tell. I questioned whether or not they were going to love me for the person I was, or if the attempt was going to define me. I was terrified. The first person I told was my thesis adviser. When we met up, she hugged me and said, ‘I am so glad you’re here to give a hug to.’ I was in tears. She was my saving grace.”
‘I no longer speak to my mom. Every day, I wonder about her. I look in the mirror and see her staring back. But I have to choose me over her.’
“Every day, I’m reminded that I’ve never felt the love of a mom. I know if I open the door to her, she’ll destroy me and all the progress I’ve made. I’m hurt and sad, but I’m also better off. You do not need to have a toxic person in your life just because you share DNA.”
‘He caught me off guard. ‘Let’s meet.’ Weeks later, the inevitable happened. My fairy tale was under attack. My sorority sisters called the police, who brought me to the hospital. It’s all hazy.’
“I started to see signs all around me. It seemed as though clues were everywhere and everyone was in on it. I had no words, but the real me was crying out, ‘What is going on?!’ I couldn’t explain what was happening to me. My mind was stripped of everything.”
‘Since my divorce, I’ve seen a plastic surgeon every month. Not for Botox. I had to face what I’d done with every shower, every decision to wear short sleeves or a bathing suit.’
“I had surprised my family with it. My husband told me he loved what I’d done to myself, but what he didn’t tell me was that he was having an affair. I often wonder what he must’ve felt when he saw his name on my wrist and knew he was lying.”
‘There’s no quick fix. There WILL always be a next panic attack, a next day of self-harm or cloud of doubt. I started to feel I wasn’t enough for him. I couldn’t pray away the dark times.’
“There’s nothing I want more than to see his beautiful smile. But part of being in love with someone struggling with mental health is dealing with the ugly. It’s true what they say. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. But there’s also a damn dimmer switch in that tunnel too.”
‘I told him I wasn’t ready to have a baby with him. He didn’t care and messed with my birth control. ‘We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives,’ he said. Needless to say, I got pregnant.’
“Things started to take a darker turn. I wasn’t allowed to go outside alone. He spread lies to my friends and family. When I gave birth, he wouldn’t let me see my child. He called 911 saying I was a danger to the baby. He got full custody.”
‘Ugh, you’d be so much prettier if you just lose some weight.’ I was only allowed to drink water. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut.’: Woman finds confidence after lifetime of body shaming, ‘I set MY OWN beauty standards now’
“At 14 years old, I tried to end my life by downing a whole bottle of antidepressants. I dropped out of high school and was ‘promiscuous’ at every opportunity. The bullying was relentless. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and cry. When I went to the doctor to get my weight checked, she looked at me with disgust. ‘How did you get so big? Why are you so overweight? Your body is mostly fat!’ I was speechless. I couldn’t even look her in the eye.”
