bulimic

‘Why would you do this to yourself? This is just bizarre.’ It’s hard to look in the mirror and see the damage I’ve done.’: Woman shares her history of self-mutilation and bulimia

“Sometimes I’d hit a vein and the blood would shoot out in an arc, creating stripes across the mirror and pouring into the sink. I was cutting away everything seemingly imperfect. Pulling out little threads which turned out to be nerves, partially paralyzing my lower lip and bits of my chin. I still didn’t stop.”

‘No one else has the guts to tell you this, but you look like a crack addict.’ I was surrounded by a looming cloud of self-hatred.’: Woman beats lifelong battle with eating disorders, ‘I get up every day and fight for my life’

“Every time I leaned over my toilet and stuck my fingers down my throat, I would tell myself this was just what a disgusting person like me deserved. I was a shell of myself. I was too scared to kill myself. “Please don’t let me wake up.’ On the morning of my grandma’s funeral, I knew I was next.”

‘My mom said, ‘You have to leave. I’ll kill myself if you stay in this house with us.’ I was given one week.’: Woman overcomes neglect, eating disorder, ‘I wake up every day and choose recovery’

“When I had my first period, I felt I was confessing to a huge crime. I asked her, ‘Why?’ She simply said, ‘Out of sight, out of mind.’ I moved into a rundown bed where nobody spoke English. There was no lock on the front door and I frequently saw and heard people doing drugs on the roof of my bedroom.”

‘I dropped 10 sizes on a starvation diet. ‘Wow, you look GREAT!’ I basked in compliments, but deep down I wanted someone to grab me and say, ‘Hey, I think you need help.’ Woman explains why congratulating weight loss is ‘problematic’

“I dropped to one meal a day. Coffee for breakfast, Red Bull at 3 p.m., light dinner. They’d look and say, ‘Congrats! You look awesome!’ It made me feel REALLY good. But part of me wanted to shout in their faces. They might as well have said, ‘That not-eating thing you’re doing? Totally working. Keep it up!’ It fueled me.”

‘You should’ve just killed yourself and got it over with.’ My gym teacher caught me in the girl’s bathroom. I was the talk of the school.’: Teen mom overcomes bullying, sexual assault, ‘I’m learning to love myself in a way I never have’

“I was so tired of being the ‘fat friend.’ I started getting up at 5 a.m. to do my hair and makeup. I bought ‘promiscuous’ clothing and dropped to a size 0. When I was sent away to rehab for not eating, it took my so-called ‘friends’ over a year and a half to even notice I was gone. I could feel that something was still missing in my life, but I didn’t know what.”

‘I lay in the hotel bed in tears. ‘Play with me!’ I snapped at him as I plugged calories into my app. ‘I can’t live like this anymore.’: Woman overcomes 10 years of eating disorders, ‘I’m always enough’

“I was determined to be that girl who transforms from ugly duckling into beauty queen over summer break. I stumbled across pictures of skin-and-bone bodies. I’d never seen anything like it, except in photos of German concentration camps. I only ever wanted to lose 15 pounds.”

‘Do you ever worry about dying? You’re killing yourself.’ She was right.’: ‘Misguided teenager’ credits her unexpected pregnancy for saving her life after ‘horrible’ eating disorder

“I found out I was pregnant. I was confused with shock and happiness, but I was so scared. How could someone like me, who can barely keep herself alive, care for someone else? I couldn’t even give myself nourishment, so how was this small baby supposed to get any? I had my first ultrasound, and everything was crystal clear. I was going to make this small dot live, no matter what. It wasn’t about me anymore. It was about this small being inside me that NEEDED me.”

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