bulimic

‘Why would you do this to yourself? This is just bizarre.’ It’s hard to look in the mirror and see the damage I’ve done.’: Woman shares her history of self-mutilation and bulimia

“Sometimes I’d hit a vein and the blood would shoot out in an arc, creating stripes across the mirror and pouring into the sink. I was cutting away everything seemingly imperfect. Pulling out little threads which turned out to be nerves, partially paralyzing my lower lip and bits of my chin. I still didn’t stop.”

‘No one else has the guts to tell you this, but you look like a crack addict.’ I was starving, and horrified.’: Woman beats long battle with eating disorder, ‘I get up every day and FIGHT FOR MY LIFE’

“For 9 years, I didn’t tell anyone my secret. On the morning of my grandma’s funeral, I went full detox. As we sat in the pews, I kept telling myself, ‘Don’t be selfish. Don’t cause a scene.’ I started convulsing. Completely paralyzed, I couldn’t move. I was so angry and embarrassed. My mother wouldn’t let me out of the car at the cemetery. I sat in our SUV and watched my family, huddled around her grave, from afar.  It was like watching them gathered around my own coffin. I knew I was next.” 

‘Get out. I’ll kill myself if you stay in this house with us,’ my mom said. I was given 2 weeks notice to move out.’: Woman overcomes neglect, eating disorder, ‘I wake up every day and choose recovery’

“My parents were avid members of a money-making cult disguised as a religion. According to the church, I was ‘riddled with aliens.’ I was forced to falsely confess to crimes. ‘Maybe my parents would like me more if I eat less.’ Before I knew it, I lost my period. My hair fell out in chunks. One day, I snapped. I took 40 pain killers. I woke up poisoned and scared. Embarrassed as hell, I called the ambulance. ‘What do I do?!’ I knew something had to change.”

‘I dropped 10 sizes on a starvation diet. ‘Wow, you look GREAT!’ I basked in compliments, but deep down I wanted someone to grab me and say, ‘Hey, I think you need help.’ Woman explains why congratulating weight loss is ‘problematic’

“I dropped to one meal a day. Coffee for breakfast, Red Bull at 3 p.m., light dinner. They’d look and say, ‘Congrats! You look awesome!’ It made me feel REALLY good. But part of me wanted to shout in their faces. They might as well have said, ‘That not-eating thing you’re doing? Totally working. Keep it up!’ It fueled me.”

‘You should’ve just killed yourself and got it over with.’ My gym teacher caught me in the girl’s bathroom. I was the talk of the school.’: Teen mom overcomes bullying, sexual assault, ‘I’m learning to love myself in a way I never have’

“I was so tired of being the ‘fat friend.’ I started getting up at 5 a.m. to do my hair and makeup. I bought ‘promiscuous’ clothing and dropped to a size 0. When I was sent away to rehab for not eating, it took my so-called ‘friends’ over a year and a half to even notice I was gone. I could feel that something was still missing in my life, but I didn’t know what.”

‘It started innocent. I figured I’d skip a few meals, run more. I never imagined the horrible, disgusting things I’d do to myself. I had only wanted to lose 15 pounds.’

“At first, it was run-of-the-mill diet talk. ‘Cut carbs! No dairy!’ Then I saw picture upon picture of skin-and-bone bodies. I was repulsed and intrigued. Soon enough, I started feeling guilty if I wasn’t cutting out meals. I spent hours a day fantasizing about food. I’d cry in the mirror as I plugged calories into my food journal.”

‘Do you ever worry about dying? You’re killing yourself.’ She was right.’: ‘Misguided teenager’ credits her unexpected pregnancy for saving her life after ‘horrible’ eating disorder

“I found out I was pregnant. I was confused with shock and happiness, but I was so scared. How could someone like me, who can barely keep herself alive, care for someone else? I couldn’t even give myself nourishment, so how was this small baby supposed to get any? I had my first ultrasound, and everything was crystal clear. I was going to make this small dot live, no matter what. It wasn’t about me anymore. It was about this small being inside me that NEEDED me.”

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