“Well, unfortunately we have to do it now. I’d call your husband. If he starts now, he might get here just in time. Now hop in the shower and give yourself a good scrub with this soap.”
‘The best course of action will be to do a total hysterectomy,’ the doctor said, staring at me. ‘But I’m only 29!,’ I gasped in disbelief.’
‘She said they become ‘the pet of the school.’ The life I imagined crashed before me and fell to pieces. I heard the words, ‘She has characteristics of Down syndrome.’
“But then, I saw my daughter with her big marble colored eyes and blonde hair. Finally, I embraced it.”
‘Nothing prepared me for my wife’s cesarean. Nothing. Reaching from a gaping hole in my beautiful wife’s stomach was the head of a bloody, powder white, child-like creature.’
“I recall Mel lying naked in front of a handful of doctors after they finished. Blood dripped from the sides of her hips; her stomach like a deflated balloon. But nothing shocked me as much as the next day.”
‘A close friend was utterly devastated she was going to have a C-section. I was not the right person to have that conversation with.’
“I was 105 pounds when I found out I was pregnant with triplets. My body stretched and stretched. To be honest, my only thought was, ‘You get to have a baby!’”
‘I asked my husband if he had it. He said, ‘Yes.’ One nurse even said, ‘I think he has what mommy has!’ He had white chunks of skin around his fingers and toes, and was bright red.’
“I looked at the ultrasound picture with his hand balled up in a fist. In that moment, I knew. I felt guilty that my choice to potentially pass this on could cause one of my children to have a less than perfect life.”
‘He looked other worldly, like a magical being. I thought, ‘WOW! Am I the chosen one?’ Everyone was going nuts about his ‘blond’ hair. He was the star of the ward.’
“My OBGYN looked at my husband. ‘WOW, check out the hair!! Does anyone in your family have blond hair??’ Deep in pushing, I yelled back at him, ‘Can we have this conversation later?’”
‘Six little words made my whole world fall apart. ‘Your baby may not make it’ – I jumped off the exam table and threw up in the trash can.’
“I was 22, pregnant with my first baby boy. I should’ve been ecstatic, preparing to welcome my sweet boy. Instead I was attending appointment after appointment to find answers as to what was wrong with him.”
‘I’m finally happy, and now I’m going to die?’ I was losing blood from somewhere. My heart sank. I was terrified. All I could think about were my children and my husband.’
“My periods were out of control, I did nothing but bleed constantly. I would fill overnight pads within an hour. I stayed in pain, it was unbearable. My husband came home on his lunch and found me doubled over in the floor, unable to move.”
‘She said, ‘I’m sorry. There’s something wrong with your little girls’ chest.’
“The ultrasound tech couldn’t tell me what was wrong, she wouldn’t even tell me the gender of my baby. She kept making excuses to leave the room. I knew something was wrong, I had seen all of my sisters’ ultrasounds before, her babies never looked the way mine did.”
‘Her skin hardened within seconds. After hardening, it began to split. Behind the curtain, I sensed their frantic panic. My husband’s silence scared me. He kept saying, ‘It’s bad.’
“He told me, ‘Jennie, I looked in her eyes, and she has the most beautiful soul.’ Broken is the only way to describe the feeling as they placed her in my arms. They had never seen anything like this. She was fine; everything was perfect, and then it wasn’t — just like that.”
