“I remember thinking, ‘Did I do something wrong?’ Neither of them directly spoke to me. They made no point in hiding their conversation. ‘I hate when women seek attention. It’s like, that’s how she got into this mess to begin with.'”
‘What mother does that? Have some decency!’ He was screaming for milk and I hurried to lift my top. Another said, ‘Do you think she knows who the father is?’ I was mortified.’
‘Momma, why can’t I walk like my friends?’ His legs were sticking straight up in the air, unable to bend. A lady in Walmart was staring long and hard.’
“His 6-year-old brother stepped in. He said, ‘What’s wrong? Haven’t you ever seen a kid in a wheelchair?’ I’ve lost count of the number of times a parent has told their children, ‘Stay away from that child!'”
‘I was pregnant with a little boy and a little girl after a decade of trauma. I limped out of his house and drove home over 100 miles away with $20 in my pocket.’
“A handsome former-classmate wrote me on Facebook: ‘I had a dream about you.’ I was thirty four weeks pregnant when my water spontaneously broke and suddenly the pain and trauma resurfaced. Were my babies okay?”
‘I got with my boyfriend in July. By November, I was pregnant. We had been ‘irresponsible.’ We dealt with it. I convinced myself I’d killed my baby. I couldn’t look at my daughter without crying.’
“The thing is, I also got pregnant many years before at age 24. It was the first time I’d had unprotected sex, and I had split up with the father. Having a termination was my only option. This has hugely troubled me the past 3 years, but I’m not ashamed to talk about it.”
‘We were literally one in a million. Identical twins with Down syndrome happens once out of every million pregnancies! We had been chosen for this task.’
“The ultrasound technician laughed. ‘What is it?,’ we said. She looked at us. ‘There are two in there!’ I immediately cracked up laughing. Rayni looked like she had seen a ghost! ‘Are you serious?’”
‘She couldn’t stop looking over to where her brother would have been, had he survived. I couldn’t help but feel he was lying there, letting her know he was present, and will always be with her.’
“‘You’re having a boy AND a girl!’ I thought to myself, ‘One of each. How perfect!’ When I arrived and saw what she had set up, I lost it. I knew I had to honor James somehow. She smiled countless times in his direction.”
‘There’s NO WAY I’m pregnant!’ In my mind, having a baby would save my marriage and fix EVERYTHING. I silently made an appointment with my OBGYN.’
“All alone in the bathroom at work, I felt my life was over. I was a failure. I couldn’t make my marriage work. I couldn’t carry a baby. Tie my tubes or just take everything out.”
‘I rushed to the hospital. ‘I’ve never seen anything like this,’ the surgeon said. Our pregnancy checkup had gone well. There was never a reason to believe something was wrong. Our excitement turned to disbelief.’
“Her skin was pulled so tightly that her eyelids had flipped inside out. We were informed her limbs could suddenly detach on their own. Every day, we faced a new challenge.”
‘She was born with her umbilical chord around her neck, her face blue from lack of oxygen. She came into the world feet first. She always goes about things her own way, birth was no exception.’
“I had no idea what was happening, but I knew my mom was behind a cold, closed door that I wasn’t allowed to go through. I wish I could’ve held her hand – she needed it.”
‘Is it normal to hate your baby?’ I was desperately begging for God to kill her. What’s wrong with me? I was terrified of what I would do to her.’
“I decided I would talk to my OBGYN when I went for my next check up. Little did I know, I wouldn’t be able to make it until then.”
