caesarean section

‘Are you going to keep him?’ I sat in tears, softly rubbing my belly. ‘Please grow. Build arms.’ I was hoping there must be some mistake.’ Mom delivers baby with TAR Syndrome after miscarriages

“People would say how fast he’d grow and all he’d do. All those words felt like lies. They didn’t know about his arms. Then there were the people that did know, and that was worse. I couldn’t stand the pity. My son, my angel, was NOT ‘sad’. I cried daily and felt guilty for questioning if keeping him was the right thing to do.”

‘The day my baby died, I won tickets to build her a bear. ‘Can I still use them even though she passed?’ Their response? ‘No. The guest must be present.’ My heart shattered in a million pieces.’

“It felt like the perfect thing to do in order to honor and remember her. All I wanted was my baby back. I wanted to be like all the other moms who get to cuddle and snuggle their baby after they are born. A simple no would’ve been okay, but their words felt like a stab to the heart.”

‘I rose as normal and glanced at the clock. ‘Let me wake her and change her diaper.’ I drop to my knees. 911 operator: ‘Whats your emergency?’ I scream, ‘My baby’s not breathing!’

“I desperately breathe air into my child. Medics rush in. Suddenly, I hear voices, machines. I’m listening for that cry I know. Everything pauses. They wrap her in a soft white blanket, slowly walking towards me as if presenting a gift. I push back, pleading with tears. I beg the doctors to try just a little longer.”

‘I heard him reach the bedroom and scream. ‘There’s something wrong with the baby!’ I grabbed her and started touching her face, opening her mouth. ‘WHAT? How is that even possible?’

“I remember opening my balcony door and screaming. People across the street stared up at my window while Nick ran into the field to help the paramedics find us. I rode to the hospital, holding Jaymie-Leigh wrapped in her Peppa Pig blanket. I just stared, hoping and praying she would just look up and smile at me.”

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