Zach passed away on May 20, 2013. Two days later, “Clouds” hit #1 on the US iTunes chart.
Zach passed away on May 20, 2013. Two days later, “Clouds” hit #1 on the US iTunes chart.
‘My son’s father got diagnosed at the age of 36 with stage 4 colon cancer, we had been together 10 years, our son was 3-years-old’
“I kept my own grief bottled up inside. Months and months later it just comes crashing back like a wave in the ocean and you can’t catch your breath.”
‘Yes, I am a single, widow in her 40s. I know that can be tough to deal with. But frankly, I am tired of hearing, ‘I don’t think I can ever live up to him.’
“There’s something about ‘dating a widow’ that is so hard, and so intimidating for men. They struggle with the idea that a woman can develop feelings for somebody while still loving a man who has passed away.”
‘I texted my husband I had worried for nothing because everything seemed fine. Until it wasn’t fine. He waited until we were driving home, until he didn’t have to look us in the eye.’
“‘Jen, I heard you’re off work right now.’ BECAUSE I JUST HAD CANCER SURGERY! ‘And you might have some time on your hands.’ BECAUSE HE LOST HIS JOB! ‘And maybe you need a distraction.’ BECAUSE EVERYONE IS DYING! ‘I have two babies in my office. They need a home. Today.’ Ohhhhhhh.”
‘I saw a glow in my son’s left eye. I started to turn the flash off in photos, then I remembered a story about a girl whose eye was glowing. My eyes filled with tears. ‘Is it cancer?’
“All of a sudden everything changed. She looked in his eye and things became serious. ‘I’m trying to get him into a specialist today.’ The word ‘today’ was lingering. What could be so important? I couldn’t believe my ears.”
‘I was home alone one night. I was getting into bed when I took off my bra. That was when I felt it. It literally took my breath when I felt it.’
“When I was 24, I had everything. An amazing job, a home I loved, and a boyfriend I knew was going to be my husband. I couldn’t imagine life being more perfect, and at that age didn’t even think that life could take a turn. But it always does, doesn’t it?”
‘I received a text from my mother: ‘Can you come home after work please, I want to talk to you about the results of my CT scan.’ I raced home. My heart sank.’
“To this day, I thank God she was in that room. ‘There is no heart rate on the monitor,’ she said. We pressed the emergency button and the nurses and doctor came running in. The minutes that followed were very scary, very intense.”
‘Suddenly, everything changed. He became irritated with me. He snapped at me. Then he said something I never thought I would hear: ‘I want you to leave.’
“The day he kicked me out of his hospital room, they had a conversation. She asked him how he was. She told him she missed him. His next text was simple.”
‘I went to the appointment, and my life changed. Was I about to die? No, I can’t. I’m not ready! This doesn’t run in my family, and I live a healthy lifestyle.’
“My aunt and grandma went with me to talk to my doctor to try to get further understanding, but to be honest, I didn’t hear a thing she said. My doctor was in tears because she couldn’t understand either.”
‘I didn’t know then, as he held me in his arms, that less than 5 years from that night he would be dead.’
“I didn’t know this moment would be one of the few. When our babies fell asleep, and we’d have enough energy to dance in the kitchen, suds still on my hands from the dishes as he would pull me away from the sink when his favorite song would come on.”
