“It felt like a bomb went off in our family. My head was swirling with fear, confusion, doubt. We went from being a carefree couple that traveled to full-time caregivers of a medically complex child. Call it intuition, gut instinct. I had no idea what to do or how to do it, but I knew with absolute certainty I was ready.”
‘I found myself divorced and single at 40, no kids. I didn’t want to wait any longer! As my adoption match fell apart, I fell in love. Life changed overnight.’ Woman takes in special needs stepson after mother’s sudden death
‘I’m coming over whether you like it or not.’ We had drinks and told stories about our Kile. Jack slept on my sofa that night. Then the whispers began.’
“Kile and I confessed our love with an intimate wedding ceremony at our house. I sat by his bedside in a white dress and promised to love, honor and cherish him until death do us part. I just didn’t expect it to be 5 days later. I don’t know when Jack’s feelings for me changed. Some say they we there all along. How dare these people judge me?”
‘HE’S FINALLY ON THE PLANE! In desperation, we went to another airline desk to beg for help. She even sat on the floor with him. He was so frightened. He was in a wheelchair due to them medicating him.’
“This is my son, Leo. He has severe autism and the mental capacity of a 3-year-old. This airline refused to let him fly home because he was distressed when they wouldn’t let him have his doll. Police were called, which caused his meltdown.”
‘My sister whispered during one of those many hours, ‘Dad is teaching us how to die.’ The man who named the project suddenly became the subject.’
“We watched him go from a life-loving, bike-riding, wine-drinking, book-writing, word-weaving, soul-enriching mensch, to ashes in a box on my mother’s mantle in some of the shortest, yet longest weeks of my life.”
‘She looked me dead in the eye. ‘What is it? Did the man leave?’ I can tell she was scared, her face went pale. Then I called 911.’
“I remember her concentrating on a certain part of my shirt, of course, I was scared. I never made it seem as if she was alone in this journey.”
‘The morning we left, I snuck into Olive’s room, kissed her cheeks and said goodbye, never knowing if I would see her again. I never knew how dearly I would come to love such a tiny little human.’
“She would cry many mornings as I cried, broken over the pain she was experiencing and longing with a deep ache for an adoptive family for her where she would know the love of a forever home.”
‘There’s good news and there’s bad news,’ my dad told me. ‘The good news is they found out what’s wrong with Mom.’ I didn’t know how much longer I could hang on.’
“After 2 years of troubling behavior with my mom, and doctors assuring us there was nothing wrong, we finally had concrete answers. Dad’s voice caught in his throat and tears welled in his eyes. He said the word we most feared.”
‘I received suspicious looks for being a grown man at the park at 2 p.m. with his kids. ‘It’s nice of you to do your wife’s job,’ is what they were really saying.’
“I ran into friends at the grocery store, and they asked me if I’d lost my job. All of it was maddening.”
‘He said, ‘I know she can’t go home,’ and was quiet the rest of the ride. Dad couldn’t get his coat off fast enough. He sat beside her, so happy to see her, saying how much he loved her.’
“She was staring straight ahead. That didn’t matter to him. He was back with his Mary Jane. I noticed it was quiet. I look over and Dad is laying on her shoulder sobbing – not crying, sobbing. After my tears started, I went in their bathroom wanted to scream. So these are the golden years?”
‘I know to be grateful for his years. I also know he was sick for a long time. Nobody knows that more than us, because we witnessed it. I know, but I don’t care.’
“He breathed 2 tiny last gasps of breath before leaving us for good this time. I watched him, felt him and loved him. So I think yes, I will mourn and still cry, if I want and need to.”
