“I wanted to save my son’s smile and innocence, since I couldn’t save him. When the end happens, I will have these memories to remind me of the wonderful times we had fighting a horrid disease. I will have those beautiful blue eyes I saw for the first time when he came into this world.”
‘We don’t know how much time he has left. ‘Jason, I cannot lose one more moment.’ My husband nodded his head. ‘I know,’ he said. These will be our last family photos.’
‘Logan went to Heaven, but he’s okay and is ALWAYS with us.’ My 2-year-old yelled, ‘NO! I want Lo Lo to stay here!’ His peaceful face let me know, ‘I’m free, I am OKAY Mom, like you said I would be.’
“When I played back that video CLEAR as DAY, a woman with an accent said, ‘He loves you very much,’ in the most peaceful and comforting tone! It sent chills down my spine. There was no noise in our house, the TV off, no one was speaking at all, yet this voice was clearly talking to us.”
‘Your twins have cancer.’ Words from the doctors you will never forget, and still ring in your ears every day.’
“The nurse quickly approached and hugged me with loving arms. She began to cry as well. I laid beside her that night. She said, ‘I’m going to hold you and cry along with you.’ And she did.”
‘A strong woman whispered, ‘This child was made for YOU. You are the only mother for her. She is going to be your greatest pride.’ These words broke me. I was scared. I didn’t know if I believed her.’
‘We were given the all clear and were starting to live our lives! Then one night, my husband found a lump in his neck. I felt so extremely sick. I was throwing up. That’s when my husband suggested, ‘I think you should take a pregnancy test.’ ‘There is no way,’ I told him.”
‘I wish I could prepare you for the news you’ll receive just hours after snapping this blissful picture. I know you’ve been worried about the size of your happy baby’s belly.’
“He’s such a happy, calm baby. He’s never been sick, so you know there has to be an easy solution to whatever is causing his belly to appear big… A simple solution that may bring a few small moments of fear and discomfort, but after that, all will be fine.”
‘She and her brother are both adopted, so we couldn’t even do a half match! That call was devastating. How could we come this far and not have any matches?! We felt hopeless.’
“We searched for weeks, and came up empty handed. I remember so vividly sitting in the waiting room thinking this is just a bad dream and we would wake up!”
‘He was yelling down the hospital halls, ‘Best day ever!’ As happy as I was for my son, I felt such sadness for my daughter. She was diagnosed first.’
“Both of our babies had cancer. Even before their diagnoses, they were inseparable, best friends. We sometimes joke, he couldn’t even let his sister go through brain cancer without him.”
‘We have to tell her.’ The doctor left us to give the horrible news. I looked at Abby. ‘You know those bad headaches and vomiting you keep having?’ Abby looked at me. ‘Yes mom, they hurt.’
“‘Step out with me, we can talk in another room,’ the doctor said. I screamed, ‘No I don’t want to go, nothing is wrong with her!’ She tried to calm me down. ‘No no no no!’ I couldn’t breathe, my heart felt like it might burst.”
‘For the first 3 months everything seemed fine. At 4 months old, we noticed her soft spot looked different and started bulging from her head. Then, our lives changed forever.’
“One morning, Ellie woke up in extreme pain. We rushed to the ER. The MRI would give us news that would completely devastate our family. It never gets easier to watch her in pain when all you want to do, in your job as a mom, is take their pain away.”
‘A boy told me I shouldn’t wear shirts that show my scars. He said they are scary. I just want to be normal,’ she sobbed.’
“On a rushed morning, I threw her a tank top and asked her to get dressed. She quietly asked me for a different shirt. Oblivious and in a hurry, I said, ‘Why? You love that one. Just put it on, we gotta go.’ Tears formed in her eyes.”
