“I knew this van was a push-start because it was one of the first things I said when I test drove it. ‘Ooooh this is so boujee!,’ I even told the sales man. You literally just push a button! It’s OBVIOUSLY not that hard.”
‘I ‘push the button’ and throw the car into reverse. Something was wrong. Everything started locking up on me. I push the brake and that’s locked, too! What. The Heck.’
‘This is my ex-wife. The mother of my 3 children. The woman who brought all 3 of my children into this world.’
“We got married young, had 3 beautiful children and had a bitter divorce. Three years later, that relationship is much different.”
‘I was petrified, sobbing into Jon’s shoulder. He leaned over and held my hand. If he wanted to leave the relationship, I would understand.’
“Jon and I met on an online dating website and hit it off right away. When I flew to Louisiana to visit him for the first time, we both knew. This was it. As I delved into wedding details, I was plagued by lower back pain that wouldn’t go away.”
‘We got THE CALL. ‘Would you be willing to accept a 3-month-old baby with serious medical needs?’ Our girl had endured more in those first 3 months than most do in a lifetime.’
“The thought of leaving her at school left me breathless. Would her teacher know what she needed? What if she was sad? Would she be scared? Made fun of by other kids for the ‘funny way’ she spoke? While our love and commitment to her never wavered for a second, it was earth shattering to hear.”
‘I wore my wedding dress to make dinner. ‘Honey, this mac and cheese is amazing.’ He’s lying because it came out of a box and is made from orange powder. ‘Thanks babe. It must be the dress.’
“Oh, are you wearing a dress? I didn’t even notice.”
‘I hit bottom. Knees to the ground, ugly tears in the shower. My friends stepped in. They didn’t ask what I needed because honestly, I’m in so deep I have no idea what I need.’
“We have three new foster children and the trenches of trauma and grief are deep. My village stepped into the trenches and sat with me. They didn’t ask me what I needed, they just started providing.”
‘I hid my habits. On the way to visit my boyfriend, I’d down a burger in my car, hide the evidence, then go to dinner a few hours later like a proper lady. Salad only, please.’
“When I moved, all the women looked like movie stars. Blonde with bountiful boobs, thin waists, and faces full of makeup. I went for a haircut and told the stylist I felt so out of place; I’d never be able to compete with these women. He stopped his snipping just long enough to say, ‘Sure you will. If you’re willing to pay enough.’”
‘You asked me today if I was okay. I lied and said, ‘I’m fine,’ but the truth is I’m tired. No, I am exhausted.’
“You’re probably wondering where that girl went that you married, and under her matted bun hair, tired eyes and cheese-stained clothes, she’s there. You probably miss her, and I do too. That’s why I need you to understand what I’m about to say.”
‘I received suspicious looks for being a grown man at the park at 2 p.m. with his kids. ‘It’s nice of you to do your wife’s job,’ is what they were really saying.’
“I ran into friends at the grocery store, and they asked me if I’d lost my job. All of it was maddening.”
‘She replied, ‘Oh my god… it is unbelievable they let people like you work in a place like this! I want someone else to serve me, someone normal.’ That was the day it hit me that I would always be treated differently.’
“‘Are you thinking about a career in porn? You look like a pornstar now.’ My response was not good. I took the boy and beat him in front of our entire school. It earned me some peace for a time, but it didn’t last.”
