“I rushed to the hospital. The pain was so bad I literally thought, ‘There’s no possible way I am going to survive this. A human being can’t survive this much pain.’ I was prescribed a copious amount of medication. When would I stop needing it? Never. I thought I would never get a chance to be a mom, but I didn’t want to give up my dream.”
‘A co-worker came up to me. ‘Half your face looks a little strange.’ I tried to respond, but couldn’t move my mouth to speak. My first thought was, ‘Am I having a stroke?’
‘I was pale as a ghost. I had to wear a mask to see my son. Yet nothing was ‘officially’ wrong with me. ‘I love when you play games with me when you are healthy,’ he said. That crushed me.’
“I was almost positive I was having a stroke. Half my face became numb and I was unable to speak. I couldn’t breathe. I would sadly be forced to observe my son from a distance under my umbrella while he played in the ocean with others. I felt like I was watching his life pass from afar, and I couldn’t join in.”
‘He asked, ‘What parts do you have?’ I said, ‘EXCUSE ME?’ I was uncomfortable being interrogated. He pressured me. I refused. He decided putting his hands on me was the ‘right’ thing to do.’
“I met a doctor I hadn’t seen before. I lifted my shirt to show him. Accidentally, I lifted it a bit too far, revealing my scars. He stared. I knew he was staring. Instead of doing the right thing, he decided to ‘find out for himself.’”
‘The beds around me emptied and my eyes clouded with tears. I knew something was wrong. It felt like I was giving birth. I tried to muffle my cries.’
“My world seemed to be falling upside down. Human hands felt like knives. I pushed back, knowing something was not right. The doctors and nurses were completely puzzled.”
‘I was out at a restaurant. ‘I’m not feeling well,’ I said. I knew something was wrong. Shaking, I excused myself and drove straight home. When I got back, my world crumbled around me.’
“I crawled to the bathroom. I couldn’t stand up without blacking out. I was paralyzed. I was supposed to be getting ready to go off to college with friends and I suddenly found myself unable to get out of bed. The wheelchair made others roll their eyes. ‘You don’t need that,’ they said. ‘Faker.’
‘It was assumed he fell asleep behind the wheel. They didn’t know they were parents the day of the accident that killed my biological father.’
“I was their miracle baby. New beginnings eventually transpired from the fear that everyone I loved would unexpectedly die. The scariest realization was that my worries were justified.”
‘What now?,’ is all that ran through my mind. ‘How did this happen to me?’ All the voices in the room disappeared. I was washed on a metal table with hoses that hung from the ceiling.’
“He instilled in my mind there was better out there. Someone who he didn’t have to help when I wasn’t feeling well, someone who he didn’t have to go to the ER with, someone who was ‘normal,’ who’s body was not scarred up. I said to my dad, ‘I can’t do it anymore. I can’t take this anymore.'”
‘Momma, when are you gonna get better? I miss how you used to be.’ I could no longer lift her up. I didn’t have the guts to tell her there’s no cure.’
“I was walking down the sidewalk when I suddenly felt like my body was struck by lightning. My legs grew heavier with each step. All I could think was, ‘Something is very wrong.’ Nothing like this had ever happened before. The scariest part is fearing every day that I’ve passed it onto my daughter.”
‘I was in front of my mirror at age 13. ‘This is not your fault. I love you so much and I am still your daughter. I am sorry.’ I didn’t want my parents to blame themselves for how messed up I was inside.’
“After one day of exercise I walked into my bathroom and began removing my sports bra. I collapsed to the ground with debilitating chest pains. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t yell for help. I thought I was dying when I had finally found reason to live.”
‘I wondered why my doctor had such a grave tone when she gave me the diagnosis. This sounded like no big deal at all. There was finally a name for this mysterious illness! Boy was I wrong.’
“When I was riding the subway, I started to feel a little dizzy. I physically could not move. When the doors finally slid open, I spilled onto the platform packed with hundreds of commuters. My breathing and vision slowly returned. I finally realized this was serious. It had to be my priority.”
