“Had we delivered at a hospital, he would have been taken from me immediately. My heart also aches in pain but I could not possibly foresee what was to come.”
‘There is no rush. They may never get to do this again, holding their baby like this.’ As we admired him, there was a quiet heaviness. He looked different. My husband already knew.’
‘Mom, I’m not normal.’ He looked down at his feet. There were no words between my husband and me. I thought nothing else could go wrong.’
“There was a long silence. He put his hand on my belly and said that was not the problem. I didn’t think he could be talking about my baby. It didn’t make sense. He kept telling me the doctor was wrong.”
‘He’s a sick guy.’ The pediatric cardiologist affirmed with an almost flippancy. Like, you know, yeah he’s dying, but like, he’s sick. Of course he’s dying. He’s a sick guy.’
“When my high school sweetheart and I decided to grow our family, we had no clue the battles we’d face. We’d had fairly smooth, straightforward lives up to this point. After my miscarriage of identical twins, I thought for sure we’d paid our dues.”
‘She replied, ‘Oh my god… it is unbelievable they let people like you work in a place like this! I want someone else to serve me, someone normal.’ That was the day it hit me that I would always be treated differently.’
“‘Are you thinking about a career in porn? You look like a pornstar now.’ My response was not good. I took the boy and beat him in front of our entire school. It earned me some peace for a time, but it didn’t last.”
‘No, this can’t be real. Not this. It isn’t fair! Hasn’t she been through enough?’ But it was real. I heard the words no parent wants to hear.’
“How did I ever think motherhood would be easy, magical, dreamy? My mind started racing with questions. I let myself wallow in self-pity for about 24 hours, and then I decided I would not give in.”
‘My ‘friend’ said, ‘Come on, of all people, you should understand why someone would want to abort a cleft baby.”
“It was a shock. I didn’t know what I was looking at. There was clearly something wrong on his face, but I had never seen something like that before.”
‘When they handed him to me, I knew something was wrong. No matter what is happening with his chromosomes, the love these two have for each other is unmatched.’
“It was clear very quickly this wasn’t going to be another normal pregnancy. But I know with Cecilee by his side, Kai will be OK.”