“Every day I wonder – is today the day we get the call there is a heart for Max? Is today the day my son gets a second chance at life? He is still fighting hard. We refuse to give up on him.”
‘My husband and I watched in horror. ‘Don’t worry, he’s going to be okay.’ I nodded, but all I could think was, ‘NO, my newborn just had heart surgery, NONE of this is okay.’
‘I put you in your mom’s arms so you could be snuggled while you drifted off to sleep. I hid behind the curtain and shed silent tears. I still hear the echo of, ‘I’m so sorry, but he is gone.’
“I remember every single detail about this day. I knew what I was coming into, but in no way was I prepared for it. Your nurses before me had gotten you so handsome, dressed for your family. You looked so small in that big bed.”
‘I remember thinking, ‘Why is this happening, why me?’ I remember just lying on the couch after and bawling my eyes out. There were still so many unknown questions.’
“I said to the nurse, trying to get the words out, ‘Is she going to make it?’ The nurse told me, ‘Never give up hope and faith.’ All I could do was pray and say to myself, ‘I need to hear her cry. I need to hear her cry!'”
‘We are having a problem. Your baby is floppy and turning blue. She only has a 50% chance of surviving through the night but we’ll do everything we can.’
“I woke up suddenly to the sound of my husband’s footsteps coming up the stairs to give me his phone. ‘Something has happened to Drew. He’s had a seizure. We were on our way to the park.’ I remember thinking to myself, ‘I have experienced seizures in the past. He’ll be OK.’ Second phone call. Everything was a blur.”
‘What does a baby’s heart look like at 18 weeks?’ I knew something was wrong. But Tad’s father continued to say, ‘Don’t worry until we have to.’ So I tried my best not to.’
“‘He is sitting Buddha style facing away from me, so I cannot not get a good look.’ I remember watching him confirm the gender, check fingers and toes, but kept going back. He told us ‘not to worry.’ I left that appointment wanting to share the great news of, ‘we’re having a baby boy,’ but it was a double-edged sword.”
‘Your baby doesn’t have eyes.’ What do you mean she doesn’t have eyes?! I know people are born blind, but to actually not have eyes seemed impossible to wrap my brain around.’
“After sharing concerns with my husband, I told her doctors I thought something was wrong. They blamed her blindness. I insisted it was deeper than that. She slept all the time, I had to wake her to nurse her, and I’d never seen her smile. Crazy, I know.”
‘They plopped her on my tummy, facing her daddy. I cried the happiest tears. But, my husband looked at me with the most concerned look on his face. He knew.’
“It’s 2 o’clock in the morning, my water breaks on the toilet. No contractions, no leaking. I assumed it was urine, so I went back to bed. I called the nurse line when I woke up. ‘It’s most likely just urine from the baby shifting on your bladder.’ But for the first time ever? On my due date?”
‘We talked about meeting all year. So many feelings were running through me. In a perfect world, they could have both been saved, but that isn’t our story.’
“It was different with them — almost as if he’s known them for ages. We would give anything to have our baby back.”
‘IT’S A BOY!,’ they said as they held him up over the sheet. She turned and looked at me. ‘That’s your baby.’ It was the most incredible moment of my life.’
“The next day I walked into our apartment building to find Evan on his knees sobbing. The doctor had called.”
‘My mom had a normal pregnancy with me, nothing was out of the ordinary. After I was born, my pediatrician noticed something wasn’t right. I was blue in color and had low blood oxygen.’
“I embrace my scar because it’s a part of who I am. It’s a reminder of everything I have been through. I was a walking miracle.”
