“Our wedding day was intimate. But behind the façade were underlying issues that left a bad taste in my mouth. I was put on the back burner. I was failing him because he was expecting me to prepare a home-cooked meal every day while also juggling maintaining a home and breastfeeding our son.”
‘If I was so miserable, I should leave.’ Eventually, I did. Our marriage looked perfect on social media. We always believed in keeping our issues private.’
‘I knew our marriage was over. He began feeling the weight of not being true to himself as a gay man. We were now entering uncharted territory – co-parenting.’
“I got off the phone devastated. Bawling. I felt like a failure. Losing a partnership like that, a friendship, felt like death. I began to picture all the holidays – separated as a family, and the awkward meet ups to switch the kids on our given days. I pictured being cold and disrespectful to other. It was the most painful things I could imagine.”
‘He had filed for divorce without my knowledge, and was granted full custody. Everything was chaos. It was my worst nightmare. I had to drop my 18-month-old daughter off with strangers.’
“I remember panic started to set in. Time went by, and no one showed up. Finally someone answered his phone. My knees buckled. I dropped to the ground. They weren’t coming. They wouldn’t tell me where she was. My daughter cried in the background. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know if I would ever see her again.”
‘If you do that one more time, you’re going in TIME OUT.’ As soon as that door shut, she ran over to the couch. I thought, ‘Please get down. Don’t you know I’m the fun parent?! I do books, not time out!’
“Being a stepmom is so complicated. She’d only ask her dad for things. But then, hand-foot-and-mouth disease struck our house. My husband was down for the count – which left my stepdaughter completely reliant on me. Let the games begin.”
‘Leah, this is your hell, but we’ve got to walk through it.’ Becoming a single mother was an adjustment I never anticipated. Our romantic relationship ended, but it served a mighty purpose.’
“It didn’t work out. He wasn’t mine to keep, but I finally realized what our relationship was meant for. I thank my daughter’s father for giving me the greatest gift I could ever know.”
‘I was okay with him having a daughter, but NOT an ex. ‘I wonder where she’s sitting? Are they on the same couch? Why hasn’t he texted me? They’re back together, in Vegas getting married.’
“If there was a woman coming into MY daughter’s life, I would need their social security number and 20 references. When I met her, she said ‘hi,’ and walked away. Hi. Hi? That’s it? Where’s the interrogation? Where’s the drug test? I told Sam, ‘She hates me! I should text her.’ I was a total crazy person.”
‘We were court ordered to conduct drop offs and pick-ups at the police station. We were a mess. A disgrace. I knew this wasn’t healthy for our children.’
“Divorce. There we were, in and out of court, screaming in the street during drop-off like a Jerry Springer episode. At some point we realized it’s easier to put our differences aside and to co-parent these kids together. Do it for the kids.”
‘I got a call from my dad. In a moment of panic, I blurted quickly, ‘Dad, I’m pregnant.’ There was radio silence on his end. I remember thinking it would never get easier.’
“The friends I had gone to high school with tore me apart online for posting a picture of my baby and saying I loved him. ‘How can you say you love him when you didn’t even want him,’ they wrote. ‘You didn’t even want to be a mom.’”
‘Good job Mommy. You came just in time.’ I asked her why. She replied, ‘I didn’t want Addison to feel bad that I have two daddies, and she only has one.’
“‘Why would she feel bad?,’ I asked. It was in that moment, I knew I would never have to worry about Emma missing a piece of her heart. It never left her. Unlike her younger siblings, she has two daddies that love her. Her daddy here at home, and her daddy in heaven.”
‘Once again, my cousin was pregnant and expecting a boy. She was due 6 months after me. She was in a toxic relationship with a man hooked on drugs.’
“We found out she was pregnant with baby number 5. She had decided she just couldn’t parent the kids. My husband and I knew we couldn’t do two babies so close together. My son was only 11 months. Having three kids, two of whom had special needs, it just was too much on us.”
