“Night upon night were panic-filled dreams, cold sweats. I’d frantically fumble through the sheets in search of my baby, who I was convinced I’d rolled on in my extreme state of exhaustion. Everywhere we went, I envisioned horrible things. I became the mother who hovered beneath the play equipment and fed only pureed food in fear he would choke. My mom friends stopped trying. Offers for play-dates and coffee meets ceased.”
‘Stop, you’re holding him too close.’ I ignored them, rarely letting go. I assumed everyone was this fiercely protective.’: Mom shares battle with postpartum anxiety, ‘I had no idea why I was suffering’
‘You look amazing. You’ve definitely lost weight.’ If he didn’t text me back, I’d assume the worst. I was extremely controlling.’: Woman suffers from eating disorder, mental illness, loss of grandfather taught her ‘to get the help I needed’
“I said to him, ‘Pup, it’s ok if you can’t make it to the wedding.’ I’d think, ‘I’ll never have a photo of me and Pup in my wedding dress. I’ll never have the opportunity to eat my wedding dinner with him. He’ll never meet my children.’ I hit the lowest low I ever had. Before my husband and I walked down the aisle, I couldn’t help but feel like Pup was there. I said to my now husband, ‘He’s here. I can feel it.’ My husband grabbed my hand. ‘I know.’”
‘You died while we were sleeping. We were merely a few feet down the hall. When we woke to the puppy crying, you were ice cold.’: Mom loses military son to fentanyl overdose, ‘I had no idea how hard it was for you’
“We didn’t know when we went to bed, and you told us you loved us, it would be the last time we saw you alive. You didn’t know either. You only wanted care from the VA. Did you know the priority mail envelope that contained your hearing appointment was finally delivered to me, 4 months after you died? Yeah, you can’t make this up. We applied because of your pain.”
‘You should feel lucky to be with me. No one else would love you.’ My first year of marriage wasn’t ‘rough.’ It was hell.’: Woman leaves ‘prince charming’ abuser to advocate for others, ‘I feel freer than I ever have in my life.’
“‘How much longer are you willing to live like this?’ My mind screamed. This CHRISTIAN counselor was introducing the option of me leaving my husband. ‘He is a narcissist. This won’t stop.’ He was driving extremely fast and irresponsibly down the highway. I was crying, begging him to stop. Then he’d take pride in being the one to ‘comfort’ me. I didn’t believe in divorce. What were my options? Lifelong suffering? It dawned on me – I was being treated horribly. I deserved so much better.”
‘Ben was there for me. He picked me up off of the ground when I felt like my legs didn’t work anymore.’: Woman credits boyfriend for helping ‘calm’ her anxiety
“I was scared people were going to think less of me. I kept saying to Ben, ‘I don’t know how these are going to turn out,’ over and over. Eventually, Ben cut me off. ‘You know I don’t care if these cookies are good, right? You know I’m not going to like you any less?’ And then it hit me. Find your Ben. Because I have mine.”
‘Can we talk?’ I want to give you a big hug. I’m a motherless daughter, too.’: Woman says she’s ‘here for you’ through heavy grief, ‘I will understand your silence’
“Tell me about your mom, I’d love to hear all about her. I will sit right here with you. I understand you are hiding behind that smile. You miss them so much. It’s hard to breathe. Your heart feels like it could actually burst at the seams.”
‘Where do I go?’ His voice cracked. My ex-husband slept on my couch, I’d lock my bedroom door and leave.’: Mom recalls ‘awkward’ co-parenting while her ex-husband slept on her couch after marriage split
“‘I don’t want to keep doing this. I can’t.’ I was sitting on the floor of our dream home. ‘What?’ His voice cracked. I could hear the pain and disbelief. ‘Is this really happening?’ I knew in my gut I wouldn’t recover in this marriage. I needed space. I needed to find out if I could survive this hidden trauma. I’d been lying to the world, but worse, I’d been lying to myself. I hated sharing my new home.”
‘You’ve been lying to me.’ My frantic husband was pacing the room. ‘What’s really going on?’ Tell the truth.’: Wife admits her own infidelity, promises your marriage is ‘worth fighting for,’ says ‘you can gain trust again’
“My phone was in his hand. I was half asleep. He’d found a thread of messages to a friend of mine. I’d been telling her I felt like the other guy was the one for me. Not my husband. As you can imagine, he was blindsided. ‘Tell me what happened,’ he kept repeating. Tears streamed down my face. If I said it, then that made it more real.”
‘I’m done talking. I’m turning off my phone for a few days. Bye.’ Josh had broken the covenant. I would wait it out.’: Wife says she and husband are ‘closer than we’ve ever been’ after his infidelity
“My husband was supposed to be home after work and he was late. I called a few times. No answer. He finally called back and in the most emotionless voice said, ‘Ashley, we have to be done.’ ‘What?’…shocked. He said it again. I yelled, ‘What? Whyyy?!’ He was leaving to be with someone else.”
‘My wife must regret spending her life with me. If she met someone different, she’d have perfectly healthy children,’ I told myself. ‘He is one of 34 people known to have this.’ My heart sank. ‘What? In the country?’ ‘No, in the world.’
“I remember thinking, ‘Maybe we just aren’t the best of parents.’ Little did I know my wife was secretly researching and had discovered a condition. One day, she showed me a video. My heart sunk. I felt dizzy. Straight away, I knew this was what our boy had.”
